Deep down, I can't help but think she still loves me. I am hopeful that she is till hanging on to see if there is real, permanent change in me. There is, and will continue to be. She keeps asking me how I know it will be for good.
I can only reply that time will tell. That if she doesn't give it time, she will never know.
Letting go is a bear. Tonight for instance, when she is out with a friend, I'll feel tortured, wondering what she is up to. After all, it was only a month ago that I caught her with the OM. She said I could tag along if I wanted to, but I really don't see any good in that.
I have told her that I do not expect her presence 24/7, but I would appreciate her accountability. She says this makes her feel trapped. I reminded her that there is a trust issue that whether she likes it or not, will be there for quite a while.
The sex thing is really stinging me right now. She says I haven't made love to her since I got out of basic training. That was twenty-one years ago. I guess I have been putting myself on, right? This is one more thing I don't really believe, but it is what she thinks that counts at this point.
Regardless of what she tells me, I still think there is something there. After we talked, she seemed to be in a lighter mood toward me. I guess I just need to reinforce the words I speak with actions and keep her reassured that I am not acting.
It just feels like a dead-end at this point. Miracles happen, but they are rare and random. I have been short-changed on them my whole life, so why would that change now?
Last edited by MoonDog; 04/20/0708:50 PM.
Argue your limitations and sure enough, they are yours. - Richard Bach
