Believe me I understand! I love my H very much and am quite happy with the progress we've made...I know that at this point I'm secure in our marriage. I accept my H as he is, problems and all and we've come a Loooong way since I started on here. It's a long, frustrating process. My H is still working at things with us and I can see that, that is probably one of the reasons I can relax and be content now. I told him a long time ago (and have reinforced it verbally) that I will be more than happy to have sex anytime he approaches me for it, but unless I'm to the point I can't take it anymore...I'm no longer initiating it....when I do I blow his mind, but I'm done "begging" for sex from my own husband.
Now, some people might interperet that as I'm unhappy with the way things are...I'm not. Like I said, we have come a very long way. I know I CAN have sex if I choose to initiate it...I'm just not always willing to work as hard as I have to in order to receive it. He tells me he thinks about it, he tells me he wants me, he flirts with me now, he's physical with me now....so NOW if he wants sex...all he has to do is start it. I'll make sure it's worth his effort if he does, and have done so the few times he has followed through on his word. I've told him he can have all the sex he wants...but he's going to have to learn to ask for it or initiate it in a way that I can interperet that's what he wants.
We had that discussion back in our MC's office a few months ago. So now when he talks about..."getting together this evening!" I respond "great honey, you just let me know and I'm there ya!" Most of the time, he doesn't follow through...and I don't bail him out by doing anything about it either. It seems to make more of an impact with him by doing this....because HE KNOWS he was the one who brought it up, and HE KNOWS I'm more than willing....as long as he does something as simple as take my hand and lead me to the bedroom, or unbutton my shirt.....ANYTHING simple along those lines. It's just a matter of time and eventually....he'll get to that point too. Once I never thought he'd be doing what he is now...but he is, and I'm very proud of him for getting to this point.
