Whore/Madonna Syndrome

[Heywyre]

You are so right Green - if it was all about "just do it" I am sure I could get my H to at least cooperate but he has told me time and time again, it has nothing to do with him not wanting to do it, its just when he thinks about it, something in his mind shuts it off. Its not voluntary, its his sub-conscious not allowing him to "go there". Its one thing for a woman to say "just do it" but if a guy can't perform because mentally something is blocking it from happening, it just ain't gonna happen

I know he loves me, he too LOVES to cuddle - its one of his favorite things to do. Why? Probably because it doesn't involve sex and its an okay thing to do with someone you love - but having sex - YIKES!! thats a whole other story. Its not that he thinks sex is disgusting but he has told me numerous times that people put too much emphasis on sex (which I agree with) but on the other hand, its normal for a married couple to have sex - this is the part he finds extremely hard to get past.

He says its like he is abusing or taking advantage of me and you don't do that to someone you love, someone you care about, some who is your best friend. He has always associated sex with disrespect of a woman (brought up in a very British family).

He knows what he is doing isn't right, he's admitted it numerous times, but that doesn't mean his mind is going to allow him to just get over it. It's not a question of just scheduling the time. This is something that is going to take a long, long process and the only way I can see us getting through it is to do some of the things you talked about Green - to start right back at the beginning like we were first dating. Just a little touch here and there, a passionate kiss - nothing too much at once and bit by bit, as he gets used to it, and doesn't associate it with being "bad" we can move to the next step. I sure hope it doesn't take another 19 years, I'm running out of desire - lol