Do you see that the endorphins that make running and lifting so desirable to you can potentially create a problem for your marriage?
All the best, -NOPkins-
How so? I am not sure what you mean.
I do agree I need to stop talking to the people at the gym about our problems...really there is only one guy i confide in...and I know i shouldn't...so i am going to stop.
Definitely NOT a good idea as that is starting to cross the "line". You should never discuss personal problems with someone (outside of your partner of course) that is of the opposite sex. You are just asking for BIG problems
And I totally see what NOPkins is talking about when he refers to the endorphines. You are sharing not only a passion for lifting weights etc with men, you are also sharing your personal life with them. The combination of the two is very dangerous. You will create a bond that will be almost impossible to resist. Its a disaster just waiting to happen, given the right timing
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Guy friends are not like girl friends. Men think about sex ALL the time. THey can be talking to you and fantasizing about you at the same time. It is VERY easy for your male friends to go BEYOND friendship. My guess is that you are already having an EA. If you are talking to other men in a way that should be to your husband, you are having an EA. And it may not be to any one person, you probably like the attention from ALL the men at the club.
I think there is a misconception...the type of conversation at the club is not about my marriage...it is about lifting and technique and new things that work. EtC. I have only confided in one man at the club...and he mostly talks about his situation and I offer advice. Positive, pro marriage advice. I rarely talk about my situation. But I do see that it is unfair to my spouse to be sharing any info outside our home.
I just wanted to clarify....the friendships with men and women at the club are just that...and the conversation is geared around workouts as I am very serious about my workout and only have limited time to get it in being that I have small children.
For the record, I don't think talking about M and R with members of the opposite sex is, on its face, a bad or wrong thing. Its when the convo turns to your own M/R AND a sense that OM/OW is "on your side" and your SO is not, is when the danger really happens. Having someone give you advice on things to do to improve your M can be perfectly fine. A woman would be able to give a man perspectives that he couldn't get talking to another man. There is danger though in too much empathy/sympathy and not enough critical thinking. Talking about M/R issues with co-workers is dangerous because there already is a base of empathy, you both work in the same field. The same could be said for gyms, as the two people could have similar life motivations.
JM2C
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Chromosphere I agree with you. My friend is in the early stages of marital issues...and is in need of some good advise. He is at the point of trying to not care and do his own thing. Now if someone would have been around to tell me three yrs ago to work hard, read these books, don't give up, fight for you family and marriage...I might not be so far off. I worry for my friend. He is in a spot where I do think I only hear his side...but often I am speaking objectively and using things from you guys as well as encouraging the SSM book. But in his frame of mind and feeling no affection from his wife...I could see that my helping him and talking with him may be a distraction for him. It could conjure feelings.
Anyway, my situation has really been crummy the last few days. H came back from trip and has been nothing but short fused with kids and has made me feel quite badly if I needed to leave in the evening. Like he has worked all day and now he has to deal with the kids. I mean geez, you have been gone for 4 days. Kids are work, homework, etc....but geez I just thought...be positive or go back on a trip. He was much nicer over the phone than in person. I know he has some stuff with work on his mind...but i do believe that just in general, parenting and dealing with the school stuff is aggravating to him. But it shouldn't just be my job. His job ends when he leaves work...mine never ends...and ya know what...he should be an equal part of it when he walks thru the door! Just unhappy right now. Was hopeful a few days ago and reading the 5LL and now I just feel like I lost a lot of my spark.
Maybe your major need in marriage is the "Recreational Companionship" need. Usually this is a guy need, but if it is yours and you don't know it, then this might be lead to complications by training with other men around and not your husband. On top of that,serious exercise creates testosterone, which is the only aphrodisiac that exists.
Quote: --------------------------------------------- How so? I am not sure what you mean. ---------------------------------------------
As others have pointed out, endorphins can reinforce particular behaviors. In your case, I think that you need to consider where your brain is being fed the most. Your husband and you need to be spending enough time together that you get at least an equal amount of endorphins from your interactions with him.
It is possible that your lack of drive for your husband stems almost entirely from your lack of interaction with him as opposed to the stimulation you get from running and lifting. I am not saying that it absolutely is, just that it is a distinct possibility.
Why don't you take a week off working out, and spend the extra time with hubby as an experiment and see what happens.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
The Marriage Builders� Forms and Questionnaires should be printer out (3 sets) so you each have your own to answer as you/he sees fit. the third set is where you make comparrisons/compromises.
There are 5 different topics: 1. Emotional Needs Questionnaire 2. Love Busters Questionnaire 3. Personal History Questionnaire 4. Financial Support Inventory: Needs and Wants Budget 5. Recreational Enjoyment Inventory
Cemar was talking about #5 Recreational Enjoyment Inventory
Was hopeful a few days ago and reading the 5LL and now I just feel like I lost a lot of my spark.