RockyMountainGuy Found E-Mails

[RMG77739]

DBers,

Since AmyC is sharing, I thought I would share this e-mail I sent to Kim.

Kim,

I know we have discussed our marriage several times over the past weeks. We have been to a total of two marital counseling sessions. At this point, I need to know exactly how you would like to proceed, especially since you have verbalized you do not want to continue counseling.

Since you have clearly stated several times you are not interested in anyone else or having an affair, I would like to return to counseling to see where that leads. I feel given all the time and effort we have put into the last twelve years, we should at least do that. Regardless of where that leads, it would be healthier for both of us in the end.

I realize we have had issues in our marriage. However, I had no idea these even approached issues leading to divorce. I was shocked when you recently told me you were looking for a place to rent near work about three years ago. Why did you not tell me how unhappy you were then? I would have wanted to seek marital counseling immediately to resolve the situation. I would have never wanted you to be at this point. I would have done whatever it took to get our marriage back on track.

I do realize you have been unhappy the past few months. Again, I had no idea these even approached issues leading to divorce. When it become apparent we needed counseling, I set up an appointment. However, by that time, you were not open to working anything out. You just wanted to walk away.

You told our counselor you never thought of going to marital counseling. I find this very odd coming from someone who has followed Dr. Phil's career from Oprah to his own show. His show has dealt with a variety of marital issues facing couples. You have also seen how Bill and Michelle went to counseling during their very stormy period. We also watched a show on couples in turmoil where the counselor watches them and gives them immediate feedback. None of these led you to believe marital counseling could improve our marriage given your unhappiness?

You said I was too late in taking you to counseling. From my perspective, that is not a fair position. If I did not know the severity of the issues, how could I rectify them? The fact you were looking for a place to move about three years ago exemplifies how you failed to clearly communicate your unhappiness to me. It seems the blame squarely falls on me for missing the signs our marriage was in dire straights. Couldn't you have asked me to go to counseling when things starting getting bad?

I feel the vast majority of our issues relate to our communication styles. So many of the issues relate directly back to miscommunication. I personally do not feel there are any showstoppers. With counseling and effort, I feel we can overcome all of these.

You know I love you very deeply. Yet, when I say "I love you" you feel uncomfortable. That seems strange given how many times I have said it previously. Why do you really feel uncomfortable when I express my feelings to you?

You know I am more than willing to go to counseling to resolve our issues. I would put 100% of my effort into making things better. If you do choose to go to counseling with an open heart, I truly feel we could have a bright future together. The choice is yours.

I am now wondering how you would like to proceed. Would you be willing to go to counseling or are you firm in desire to dissolve our marriage? Please carefully consider your response because it effects both our lives.

Yours,

Rich

Yes, my first name is there.... I hope this can help someone.

Take Care,

RMG