Personally I think he's going to need some very intense IC to help him change his frame of thinking about sex, and YOU. FWIW, my H also cheated, online...through Adult Friend Finder. Our entire marriage he had shown no real interest in me sexually, so I'm all too familiar with all of the emotions you've experienced...and it is devastating to deal with. I would get the "I just don't think about sex" response, "It's not you.", "Of course I think your attractive and sexy"...all of those things...but his actions never matched his words.
We went to MC to address our issues for nearly a year and a half before I found out what he was really up to (the entire time we were in counseling). I finally had to install a keylogger to get the truth...and boy did I get the truth. He did think about sex, he had sexual needs, he just didn't turn to me to fulfill them....OUCH!!! It took this horrible discovery though to finally bring the real issue to light...so we could deal with it, and it very nearly ended our marriage. I wasn't sure at first I could get past what he had done...but something told me not to give up and I'm glad I didn't. We ar now doing much better.
Has the sex increased....yes, but not drastically...but it's better than it was. Has our relationship improved, absolutely! Are we still working on addressing this issue...yes. However I am now in a place in our marriage where I know I can be content with us as we are, things improving (if they do) will simply be a bonus. NOW, my H no longer turns to porn for his fix at all...his attentions must turn to me if he wants that need met, because of that there has been a definite change in his behavior towards me...for the better. I believe with further encouragement, and positive reinforcement things will continue to improve...but I have no idea how quickly...and that's ok.
Another thing I've been doing since my discovery of his online activity is this...I don't hide the sexual side of myself anymore. For too long I felt I had to suppress that side of me...because he made it appear like I was pressuring him with it. Perhaps it was pressure in his perspective, but guess what? It's who I am and I'm not hiding it anymore....my not hiding my sexual side, my flirty side, my fairly raunchy side...has forced him to learn to deal with me....as I am. Best thing I could have ever done.
