Hi Heywyre, it's a frustrating and painful situation isn't it....but you definitely AREN'T alone in it.
One thing that helps in our situation is simply scheduling sex. Doesn't sound very romantic does it? But it does help. Even still, my H will often wait until the last possible moment (if I wait on him to initiate.) One thing that has been helping us is this...I've done quite a bit of thinking about things other than sex itself that would help me feel that my H does find me desireable. Things such as flirting with me more suggestively, being a bit more affectionate physically with me oustide of the bedroom. I've literally had to give him specific things he can do that I will agree to recognize as an effort to show me he desires me such as: rubbing my feet (as he often does when we watch tv), playing footsie with me in bed (he's a snuggler and always does this). BUT to add to those things he already does I've asked him to do some things outside of his comfort zone...such as fondling my breasts in a manner that I like, or playfully grabbing my butt in the kitchen...stuff like that. Those are examples of two things he would NEVER do before, that he does now regularly...it's getting him comfortable with treating me more sexually. Now that we've been doing this, he's not so shy about touching me, he does it fairly regularly....and he's not so apt to shy away from me touching him either....and even sometimes plays suggestively with me while I cook dinner.
These things REALLY help me feel better about US. Something else I had to do quite some time back was make it quite clear to my H that I wouldn't remain in a marriage without sex, I didn't sign on to live a celebate life when I married him...and it's an assumed thing when you commit to marrying someone that sex will be involved in that.
If you would like to talk more about this, let's start you a thread (I can do that for you if you aren't sure how), so we don't threadjack 12-51's thread here.
