My new theme is that of fun...I want to put fun back on the agenda with H, in our sex life and in general. We tend to get too uptight with each other, so we are reminding ourselves to get back to fun. This is the major ingredient that's been missing. Our sex life is back on track! One problem area that was present from the beginning of the marriage is that my H had a lot of anxiety about being out there ( being open) and I had no drive to initiate things. When I confronted H about some things that would get me going, he clammed up. It finally hit me that he has performance anxiety ( I have realized this before but never so clearly), and I was feeding into it by not confronting it and allowing him to do the clamming up thing. So just recently, when this dynamic repeated itself (I asked him to undress me, and he pulled away), I tried to bring it up, and H said if we talk about it it will make it worse ( he started to hush me) and a lightbulb went off...this was exactly where we were at 20 yrs ago! In a real feat of differentiation, I said to him very firmly, " No, we have been avoiding for years, and it doesn't get better that way...this is what I want and even if you aren't getting turned on, you must push out of your comfort zone." And without going into the sexual details, he did! And then he validated me by telling me I was right! that he was hiding, and the way to get stronger is to confront! Anyway, it was a real exciting moment for us, and we both feel we are on the right track, getting the issues out there.
Well, that's it for now. I am doing this cool thing on Sunday with a girlfriend of mine. We are taking a group cooking class with this top chef in the area, who will teach us how to make 4 dishes from his restaurant in an all day thing. I am not a drinker as I get headaches, but wine will be served throughout, and I plan to go for it ( friend will be driving). And I will bring home the cooking to H. Major confronting of my own issues ( about food, preparation and cooking) in a fun way. WTG Journey!
