I do need to get back into flirting with him. I used to but gave up after years of not getting a response. He told me French kissing when not ML was gross. About playfully grabbing his crotch or butt as we passed each other, he said, "That's cute but doesn't turn me on." He made comments like that in those years that we were fighting alot. Maybe he will be more open to flirting now. I've been thinking that for a while, but have gotten so out of the habit, I'm having trouble getting back into it and getting past the worry of rejection.
I'm going to have to be more aggressive, too. Subtle things don't do much for him. He likes it, but it doesn't turn him on--like leaning over the back of his recliner and scratching his head or giving him an upside down kiss. Sometimes I nibble his ear. He likes those things, but...
We take showers together occasionally. We wash each other and push each other around playfully taking our turn under the water. Lately the showers haven't been much more than that, though. We don't do anything sexual. I've got to get past my mental block and just do something.
A month or so ago, I took advantage of a night that DD was at an after-school activity. I knew she wouldn't be home until 8:00 or so. I started dinner then called him to make sure he didn't have any plans after work. I put on some nice music, a "little black dress", candles, wine and turned most of the lights off. It was wonderful for both of us. After dinner, we danced and kissed. Then we went upstairs. It was great to have so much time. We hadn't undressed each other in years (not counting pajamas). The same goes for creating any kind of anticipation. The last time I did anything like this, the kids were very small. I got a babysitter. After dinner, he went outside to visit with the neighbor. I was left to do the dishes. Then we picked up the kids. I was very disappointed.
Since that last encounter went so well, I think he is much more open to other things. I would like to do something like it again. How do create a romantic evening with a teen at home who doesn't get out much. She went through a bad bought of depression a couple years ago and lost all of her friends. All she has now is her current boyfriend. He doesn't have any money and doesn't have a driver's license or a car. When they get together, they come here.
I know that when I don't feel there has been enough foreplay, I need to say something, but again, there is that mental block. I am so afraid of hurting his feelings. The words are in my head at the time, they just won't come out of my mouth. I think another part of it is that I am not sure what I want to tell him to do instead. Do you have any recommendations for books about sex that aren't too basic? Are you familiar with Lou Paget? I read one of her books that gives a lot of good ideas (with drawings) for women to do to their men. I need something like that for him. Something with pictures would be best. He doesn't have a lot of time to read. Besides, it might be fun to show him a picture of something he could try.
I feel so pathetic. I am 46 years old and sexually incompetant. I used to have a boyfriend that was excellant in bed. I wish I could remember some of what he did. I must have been in a fog of anger back then, too. I wish someone knew I was depressed a long time ago. I have missed out on so much.
I have read "The Five Love Languages." He listened to part of it on CD's. He told me it was all common sense and didn't find it all that interesting. He also did that with "Mars and Venus."
The CD version of "The Five Love Languages" had a questionaire with it. H scored nearly equal on most of the languages. The only one that didn't get many points was Receiving Gifts. Quality Time scored one or two more than the others. Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation tied for second and Acts of Service was a close third. Physical Touch scored the highest for me. Words of Affirmation and Quality Time tied for second with several points less. Acts of Service scored a few. Receiving gifts barely got any.
