How did you finally get the issue out in the open? Well, in our case at first...at the beginning of everything I put my foot down and told him if we didn't seek marriage counseling (I was ready to leave at that point), we wouldn't be having another anniversary....he agreed. This at the very least helped our communication issues...BUT unbeknownst to me he continued an activity that I wasn't aware of until a year ago this past February (online porn and interaction with women through Adult Friend Finder, while completely ignoring & rejecting me sexually). When I found out about this activity...that was nearly the end of us. He had been doing that for just over two years (we hadn't been married three yet.) When I confronted him I told him that activity ended NOW, or our marriage did...and I was dead serious about it.
What did you do to fix the problem? After I found out about his online activity I made an emergency appt. with our MC to talk to her...to help keep me from making any rash decisions regarding my marriage. We discussed what I'd found and came to the conclusion that he had a form of whore/madonna syndrom. Basically, he had a tough time viewing me as someone sexual because I am the type woman he respects and would marry...because in his mind sexual women were sluts, those aren't women you take home to your folks, marry, or have children with. He respects, loves, and admires me....and therefore does not consider me a slut. It's hard for him to think of a woman he respects as sexual...but we're working on it.
Are you happy now? Yes, for the most part I am. Due to the MC our communication has improved tremendously and my H does do more physically affectionate things towards me, which also helps. I now no longer hold back things and I speak my mind freely. If something is bothering me I just tell him. I'm not rude, cruel, or tactless...just matter-of-fact about it. He in turn has learned to feel safe speaking his mind as well...knowing I'm not going to behave as some of the women from his past have.
Is he happy now? He says he is. He appears to be more happy as well, more relaxed...more open to talk to, laughs more. Often tells me "why couldn't I have met you 20 years ago!
