Quote: ------------------------------------------------------------ When you say addicted, are you talking about OW, alcohol, or sex? Personally he has all three addictions. ------------------------------------------------------------
Alcohol - chemical addiction.
You are right that the other two cause similar problems, but a chemical addiction really prevents him from growing emotionally, something that will have to happen in order for him to get past the place he is stuck in.
You are in the circle with him. The sooner you understand that, and decide to remove yourself from the drama, the sooner your life will begin to improve.
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------------- Not that I would do it, but how would cheating on my H make things worse in what way, I don't even think he'd notice. He barely notices my now even though I am treating him very very well now and doing all the DBusting. Gee, I wonder if that would be ok with him... since it's ok for him to do it? I think it would be my own guilt that would get me in the end. -------------------------------------------------------------
You are correct, your own guilt would create a huge barrier to your ability to become a fixture of strength in your relationship.
Becoming a fixture of strength in your relationship is the very thing you must do, for your family's sake. That means that you become the rock unmoved by the ocean of drama surrounding you. That means you step out of the drama.
You can't control your husband by appealing to him. He is simply not capable of normal human interactions in his current state. Literally, suffering from a chemical addiction renders his brain operating in a different way from a normal person. That is why I have told you that normal methodology for dealing with affairs or midlife crisis doesn't apply.
There is a book that you should read. It has the answer to your dilemma. It is "Love must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
