How do I explain my lack of desire to my wife?

[Heywyre]

For the wives of men with low sex drive, what was the cause of their problem?How did you finally get the issue out in the open?What did you do to fix the problem?Are you happy now?Is he happy now?

Wow, talk about a lot of questions

I have been dealing with my H having a LD for as long as I can remember. It wasn't too bad the first couple of years we were together but then things went down hill - literally

I totally understand how you are feeling because my H is the exact same way, he just doesn't have the feeling. It is not like he is doing it on purpose, he just doesn't think about it, ever!! This becomes a real problem for the HD partner of course because they think about it pretty much all the time and can't understand why the other person doesn't do something about it. Why? because they aren't thinking about it, period! Would you be thinking about something that you had totally no concern about? When I started trying to think like this, I began to understand my H a lot more. But unless the HD partner can put themselves in the LD partner's shoes (very hard to do) it is
VERY frustrating to say the least

Getting the problem out in the open is not always going to come out the same way, depending on who the two people are. In your case, it is a little touchy in that she has left. Any effort you make now will be "too little too late" in her eyes and her response will be "sure, you do something about it now that I have left, why didn't you do something years ago".

I haven't left but I have thought about it many, many, many times. I am tired of being my own sex partner. I would love for someone to touch me, caress me, excite me. I am not dead yet and don't plan on going the rest of my life without sex. However, having said that, I also don't want to leave my H. He is my best friend, and if I have to sacrifice my desires and "wants" to be able to stay together, if that is the only difference we have, then I am going to have to find another avenue won't I.

With my H it is a number of issues that is causing the LD, AD is only one of them - as much as they do cause LD in people, there is NO WAY I would sacrifice his sanity or have him go back to the way he was before AD just so I could have sex - thanks, but no thanks because it was living hell the way he was before!! But on a better note, now that he is getting "better" and feeling more positive about life, some of his "feelings" are coming back and he told the C the other day that he knows when we get through all of this our R will be stronger than it ever was. How encouraging is that?

Will we ever have the wild sex we did when we first got together, probably not, but anything is better than nothing at this point. We haven't ML since October 2005 (yes, I didn't get the date wrong) and before that it was about 2 years previous. So, in the past 4 years we've ML twice, and it wasn't all that good. Why? Probably because he really felt the pressure of "performing" which isn't exactly a turn-on now is it?

We have a long, long way to go but I truly believe with C, communication and a lot of patience and understanding between the two of us, we can get back to where we were