Just stopped in to ask a question about Infidelity. In my case I don't know if my WAW has had an EA or PA or maybe just an opposite sex friendship that has gone a bit overboard, or maybe a same sex one, or maybe nothing at all.
Anyhow I'm wondering, assuming she had an EA/PA, does it need to be out in the open before she recommits to the marriage? Will the guilt of it and not knowing if I'll be able to deal with it keep her from investing any time in the marriage?
From my point of view I "think" that starting to rebuild our marriage and then waiting until it is stronger and might be able to withstand the revelation might give us the best chance of surviving it.
Her perspective might be that the guilt of what she has done, or what I might think of her or do when I find out will prevent her from moving forward on reconciliation.
Now this is all just theory in my head, so I was just hoping to get some perspective. Is it better to wait or better to know upfront what we're dealing with (if anything at all).
If it is better to know upfront, do I wait for her to tell me, do I ask her to get the yes/no? In my case I have some reason to believe something might be going on, or that she is thinking about "going for" plus she is telling me things like "I need to go sow my wild oats" and "this is my last hurrah." She has seemed to try to get me to bring the subject up or goad me into accusing her of an affair. I don't know if she can't bring it up and wants me to broach the subject or what, but I've steered clear of it completely, no accusations, no innuendos, no guilt from me.
I would even be thinking this stuff without reason and I still assume she is innocent. I also don't want to be as naive as I was pre-Bomb either. I want the best possible chance of saving my marriage so I'm trying to explore things that are probably and stack the odds in favor of my marriage.
