Piecing Advice

[SDFoundGirl]

I've been holding off for a variety of reasons, but now I've got the time and desire to post on my sitch.

H and I went off for our first big trip since the bomb. We spent 10 days together in Guatemala, successfully. Trips have always breeded problems for a variety of reasons, and this was a good one. It was fun! A few rough patches, but waaay better than in the past.

We had a MC appointment the day after we came back, however, and H confessed that one night on our trip he had gotten really pissed at me. I burst into tears. First, I'd had no clue, and I always know when he's ticked, so I felt like he was just getting better at hiding things from me. Second, I was upset that he hadn't addressed the problem when it came up. Granted, he didn't let it affect the rest of the trip and he did bring it up in MC, but it brought up everything from the bomb for me.

H always held onto resentment thinking it didn't matter, he'd get over it. He held onto this collective anger until it bubbled into infatuation with LW and dropping the bomb on me. So, when I found out he'd held this from me until MC...well, it brought up all of those old feelings and fears.

I feel like I'm the only one ballsy enough to actually do what our MC has taught us to do in terms of communicating when something has bothered us. I do it, but H doesn't...and I wonder what else he's hiding from me. In fact, I got a weird vibe from him this morning...and I find myself just wanting to distance myself in preparation for another bomb. Crazy, sure, but I'm thinking this post-traumatic stress response is pretty normal. Hell, I checked his phone to see who'd been calling and who he's been calling too...not good to be snooping, but I did it. He'd called LW yesterday evening on his way to meet a friend for drinks. And LW called him at 1:30 AM (!!!!!) a few weeks back...he didn't answer, but WTF?

Sort of makes me wonder if there hadn't been more going on at some point...

All pointless to worry about/think about. I have to stick with GAL/PMA working on me.

But...I will say I won't go through this process again. If he bombs me again, ever, I'm done. I'll file the papers myself.

SD