Hopeless loser needs help......

[crashing_fast]

ok....i've posted here before but i'm sure the thread is long gone now....

i had an A that lasted 3.5 years and ended in Aug. 06 (never found out). no contact since then but i've carried a torch for her the entire time (and put my M in turmoil because of it). i'm M she wasn't...she was when the A started for about the first year. i can't get over her...now i find out today that she's getting married in June....less than 10 months after we ended it.

i'm devastated. we left it that we couldn't continue because of the repercussions of being found out but if we ended up together later.... how could she now be in a relationship that serious? it's unbelievable..... i've never loved like this before and never will again.....

was i being lied to? did she not feel for me that way she said? you're looking at the biggest fool in the world..... i would have given up everything for her and now i'm left with nothing.... anyone else have this happen?

[trytoohard]

was i being lied to? She wanted commitment and your couldn't commit, doesn't seem like a lie, seems like she wanted a LIFE did she not feel for me that way she said? Can't say. After 3.5 years and no long term commitment from you, it sounds like she moved on. Why would she put her life on hold forever for you? you're looking at the biggest fool in the world..... i would have given up everything for her and now i'm left with nothing.... anyone else have this happen? Not the biggest, just one of the many. You didn't give up everything for her, you stayed married and you're left with a marriage. If you had left your wife to be with her, perhaps things would have been different?

Are you still married? Is your intent to reconcile with your wife or to try and stop your ex-lover's wedding?

[Walking]

i'm M she wasn't...she was when the A started for about the first year. i can't get over her...now i find out today that she's getting married in June....less than 10 months after we ended it.

Is this a joke?

You're married, but you had an affair for 3.5 years with a woman who broke up with you 10 months ago.

You can't get over her, but you haven't done anything in that 10 months. So, in fact you had over 4 years to make a decision to be with her exclusively, by leaving your wife - but you didn't?

Do the girl a favour and let her get on with her life. Grow some backbone and either go to marriage counselling and sort out your marriage issues, or leave your wife and get a life for yourself.

Geez .....

[runningoutoftime]

Sorry, but she probably never took you seriously and you were just there to build her ego up and help her feel special... I had two mai tai's eariler tonight so I'm a little blunt right now...

But generally, that's the scoop on relationships with married folks, they know you probably won't leave the spouse (they really don't want you to) and you're just a little non-serious fun until the "real thing" comes along.

[Heartbroken]

I am amazed you are posting at this website at all. I feel this group is for married people trying to fix their marriage. You seemed more concerned about the OW than your own wife. People should not start a new R until they are through with the first one - it save a lot of hurt!!

What you had with this woman was a fantasy and you have made it even more so that all this time it's been 'over'. Unless your current M is full of abuse -maybe you should look at what you have and could stand to lose. THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER over there!

Your A partner and your R with her WAS NOT REALITY - you did not deal with kids, inlaws, bills or everyday life streses. Get over it! You were a fool to have the affair!!

[EmtnRllrCstr]

Crashing_Fast,

You are married and any feeling that you have for another woman that is not your W is wrong.

Here is what God has to say about your sitch.
Proverb 5:18-23
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.
20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
21 For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD,
and he examines all his paths.
22 The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him;
the cords of his sin hold him fast.
23 He will die for lack of discipline,
led astray by his own great folly.

I know that you came to this site for help, not to be judged and condemned. All of us here want to save our M and support each other in doing so... So with that said you need to come clean with your W and deal with the reprecusions of your past mistakes. It will be painful for both you and your W but since your feelings for the OW have not been dealt with I feel this is the only way for your current M to stand a chance. I agree with walkingback go to counseling - it will help. You have a long road ahead of you and if you want to save your M(I hope you do) this is a good forum for support. Otherwise, you just walked into a pack of hungry lions that have no simpathy for you. Sorry just being honest.

God Bless,
EmtnRllrCstr

[Sigh]

I guess some of us have a question that was not mentioned...

1. Do you want to stay married to your W? It seems as though your post focuses on the OW, but you make no menion of your W and how your marriage is now?

I think you need to seriously think what you want to do with the situation you are in. I know you seem to think you have deep feelings for this OW, but as so many have said, you are in a relationship with absoultely NO responsibilities of real life. In my opinion, this is one of the things that make A's so appealing to some. Allows them to live in a fantasy...

Unfortunatly, Fantasies are not reality, and people come crashing into reality once they realize what they have done.

You need to stop focusing on the OW and really start focusing on your W and your M.

Take care

[ksbga]

Apparently neither rllrcstr or heart broken have ever sinned...|
Good lord , talk about judging. This problem is relevant to marriage saving , and to question the post is , well your perogative , but not helpful.
And quoting the bible is again all ok , but there is no room for scriptures in a failing bedroom. PALEEZ! No-one in history is more "predjudiced" than religeous folk. No denomination necessary...(ps I'm catholic , I should know...)
My 4th cent? Don't tell your wife anything. Decide if what you have there at home is worth it.If it is , spend the rest of your time treating it as such. Focus on being a better person AND spouse everyday again and again. But you should live with that guilt as punishment. Its not fair to put any of that horrible "truth" onto your wife. It makes her feel terrible , and alleveates some of your guilt.
What ever you choose , be true to your own heart and good luck!

[Heartbroken]

I apologize if I came off as judgemental - I have little sympathy for the OP's within the A!!!

He does not post like he is even worried about his M. Judging or not I think there was insensitivity on his part by posting of his "loss of the OW" ---when the rest of us are battling against these OP!!

Just my 2 cents - you can take it or leave it!

[Cissy]

I am so glad your wife didn't find out, or maybe she knew. Wives are a lot smarter than you think and we may not say anything, I know I don't and I know every time my H looks me in the eye and lies and it hurts like he!!.

Your wife probably loves you to death and if you would put half the effort and do half the things you did for the OW who did NOT care for your family or kids if you have any... you just might be suprised at the spark you could bring back into your marriage... do it for you family... they deserve it and you owe that to them and yourself... you just might find you will feel for her what you once did.

You know how we feel, then! so why don't you make it RIGHT!!!! I wish my H would because I am tying like he@@!

Good luck to you,
Cissy