Lying has actually always been an issue with him. I would say that, in general as you say, he told the truth, but he has also pulled out some pretty horrendous lies since I've known him. In fact, when I very first met him, he told me he was 21 years old. Well, we went to a liquor store, and the clerk asked to see his ID, and he wasn't 21 yet! Seems silly now, but it started from the get-go. Some lies have been unimportant in the big scheme of life; some have been very important.
I understand completely what you're saying about my actions causing different actions from him. I started to read I think it's Michele's book about that... can't think of the name of it right now. Something like how to get what you want from your man... At any rate, I understand from reading that book what you are saying. The dynamics need to change, which can start with just me - WHEN we are ready to work on this. I understand that now is not the time to be working on our M/R. However, I CAN apply these same principles to the current dynamics that we do have...
BTW, as you said, I honestly did not go ballistic when H told me (finally) that it was the OW. I went ballistic when he lied to me. Once he told me it was her, I said it was fine but that he didn't need to lie to me about it. Once he was honest with me, I let it go. Although it hurts tremendously, I know she's calling him right now and that he's allowing it. My being upset was about him lying to me, not that she called. But I understand what you're saying that even though I let it go when he told me the truth he might not be able/willing to separate the two issues involved and just sees me as going ballistic - period.
Thanks for your continued encouragement. This is so hard....
