The way his fog lifted is when he decided that he did not want to be a part time Dad. He admitted he committed back to the M for the sake of his kids. It took sometime and a lot of counseling but they are happily married.
From what I hear and read the fog doesn't seem to be entirely lifted until there is atleast a small committment made to making the M work. Then at that point there is still a ton of hardwork. It seems to me the fog slowly disapates over time while both spouses are working at making the M work. This has been my prayer for a while. I just want to see my W giving an ounce of energy into making our M work, until she can do that we cannot begin to put anything back together. With that said my ride continues......
I think that is a big part of what my H is thinking right now, too. He loves his baby more than anything in the entire world and the thought of being there only part-time is just devastating to him. I don't want that to be the only reason why he stays but, if it helps him come out of the fog so that he can really work on our M, then so be it!
Hello. I am new to this site. I have a husband who had an EA last year,with a coworker, but I just found out about it in March, 2007. Accidentally, of course. He was also maintaining his connection to the OW while working on building another affair with someone else at his job. I had suspected that he was interested in the first woman as he talked about her WAY too much, same with the other woman. However, I never thought he was ballsy enough to actually DO some stepping out on me. He has mistreated me very badly over the past few years--neglectful, distant, callous, disdainful, shut me out of his life to maintain his secrecy, abandoned me during my fourth pregnancy last year, told me he wanted a divorce last year.... My question is: How is it possible for this man who had complete disregard for me, to suddenly be "in love" and "wanting to keep me and the family", when he has only stopped his cheating behaviour upon getting caught? He has never shown any initiative in our entire marriage for anything. (He started going to counselling as he was sent there by his principal.) I have been the one who tried to get us into family counselling, begged him to go out with me to keep the marriage going, all to no avail. Suddenly, he wants to do everything that I could not get him to do over the past few years. I just can't buy it--I feel I would be better off rebuilding my self-esteem and my life without him. My children have been devastated by all of the fighting, recent neglect, crying, etc... that this has brought about. Does anyone have any input/advice for me?
Me- 37 H - 37 Together 9 yrs Married 8 yrs Kids 3 boys (9y,3y,6m)1 girl (7y) Discovered EA March 19, 2007
2angry, Quick words of advice 1. make a new thread on the ¨newcomers¨ forum and add a link to your thread in your signature. This will attract more attention from the sages that contribute to this bb. 2. buy Divorce Remedy (DR), read it and live it. There may be other books apply specifically to your sitch (Chapman's 5 LL maybe?) 3. Whatever you do use this opportunity to get to the bottom of your problems, this will take time and WORK! 4. Know that many of us on this site are longing for the day when our spouses will come to us and say, what your H has said to you (I know there are problems but I want to work on our M.)
Best wishes and sorry you find yourself here.
SD
PS - ERC, sorry to hijack your thread.
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
