I couldn't determine if you work or are a stay at home mom.
Cadesmom asked me to come and have a look at your situation.
Here are a few observations. You aren't going to like them, but I will always tell you what I honestly think.
Your husband has an addiction. That means that all bets and methods of marital recovery are off. I don't care whose method you use, it will be of limited effectiveness with an addict.
That doesn't meant that there aren't some things that you can do, you can, but they won't be boiler plate.
First, you must completely eradicate all needy, grabby, desperate beahvior. No begging, pleading, none of that.
Second, you must set some boundaries. Those are ground rules for behaviors that you will simply not tolerate from your husband. I would suggest you start with the following and add to the list.
1) No coming home drunk. If he is drunk, he is not allowed in the house. Call the police if you need help.
2) No sex with this man until ALL his extracurricular activities have stopped. There are a number of STD's that a condom won't protect you from. If you are having unprotected sex with an adulterous addict, then you are not only putting your life at risk, but you are potentially taking away your children's mother via an early death. No sex is worth dying for.
3) No talking to the other woman from your home. That is completely disrespectful to you and the kids. If he must talk to her, then he can go outside, even in a thunderstorm.
4) Your home will be peaceful. You will have to make that happen. If that means he can't be there, then so be it. Your children need a stable environment, even if it is with just one parent.
Those are four very straightforward boundaries for you to start with.
You must face the fact that you can not "woo" this man back home in any lasting way.
You must protect your children from the ongoing drama. I promise you, it is doing them far greater damage than you can imagine right now.
Please let me know if you want to continue discussing this.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
