and I'm unclear about the whole A issue and the M, issue. IS he with her but confused, or saying he is not with her but needs space, etc. What is the status of what he SAYS?
He has NOT moved all of his stuff out of our home. He has basically taken some clothes and toiletries (and he recently kept his golf clubs over there after going golfing one day). Everything else of his is still in our home. He tries to get me to believe that it's not as if he stays with her every single night, but I believe that he stays with her most nights. He works really long days and so only sees her when he does go over there for a few hours at night. Sometimes he spends more time with her (I believe) on some of the weekend days.
He has told me that he's "working on" getting back to us. I asked him if he had begun to talk to her about this, and he said that he's just been doing his own soul searching. I asked him what he has been thinking about, and then he said he's been working a lot, too, and has tried NOT to think about it. I asked him if he knew he wanted to give our M another chance why he didn't tell her that and at least START working on US. I asked if it was just because he didn't want to hurt anyone. He said he didn't want to talk about it...
He also told me the other night when we had our big blowout that he has been coming to the office late, around 11 or midnight, after I would be gone. This may be true on some nights, but for the most part, I know he has been staying with her.
So, 25, he doesn't really tell me much about what is going on. Most recently, he hasn't said that he is confused; he's said that he has decided that he wants to work on us. Yet, he continues to stay with her and NOT work on us. I don't know if she has some sort of control over him, whether he's scared to let her go and then not work things out with us and then not have her to go back to, etc. I did tell him the other day that when he does come home it's only going to work if he ends it with her and tells her that he's going to work on his M. I just can't deal with him coming home like he did last time when he just told her he was taking some time to think and was going on a trip, etc. It's like he wants to leave the door open for both of us right now, which isn't fair to either of us.
So, right now he is saying that we are going to work on things. That's all I know. I told him that I hoped he could understand that his actions are speaking otherwise. He said he could understand that but didn't offer any explanation for it.
So, at this point, your guess is as good as mine. You mentioned the 6 month mark for affairs. I believe their PA has been going on since around the end of October of last year, so we are approaching the 6 month mark already.
I know I need to work more on GALing. The problem is that I have gotten so far behind on my work, I don't feel like I have any spare time to GAL. 1210 has recommended that I keep to myself right now and get caught up on my work, that that will empower me.
Quote:
"You Will Make It With OR Without Your H
I have to be honest and tell you that when people say things like this, it tears my heart out. I know it's true, but the thought of not being married anymore and not having my H and not making our marriage magical and getting through this DOES send me spiraling. I KNOW I will eventually be okay if this does not work out, but at this point, I don't even want to think of that as a possibility. Honestly, even though I know the changes I need to make will make me a better person, I'm just not to the point yet where I'm doing this just for me - I'm still doing this for H and our M primarily. I know those aren't the right reasons, but it's what my heart feels...
