Thanks, HS. I should have clarified - I KNOW right now is not the time to make any changes in us/him/our R. I was just thinking ahead to when he does come home. I know that we have to fix what was broken in order to work things out permanently, and that is going to take a commitment to change on BOTH of our behalves, not just me. But, I realize it most likely will need to start with me, and when the time comes to work on our R, I will do that. That's what I was meaning about the domino effect, that change in our M can begin with change from only one person, which will be me. And he will HAVE to change some things in order for us to work out, ie the whole lying issue. This really is not negotiable. I do love him for who he is, but just as I need to make some positive changes for myself, he will as well in order for this to work. As Michele says, if you don't fix what was broken to get you here, you will find yourself here again. His lies could bring us here again. I'm not trying to control him, just am stating that it is going to take both of us to really want to make this work in order for us to come out ahead of this whole thing.
As for now, I do realize that all I should/can work on is ME. It will be easier now that I am at home, and I will continue to work on me and what I CAN control right now.
