RE: Do not worry about when the time is "right" b/c it may never come, first off. IF it does come, you will be reconciling for love and commitment, and not guilt or fear of being alone. My timeline is "mine" so I don't know how long yours will be. IOW, I don't know what space/time your H needs right now to "find himself" and I'm unclear about the whole A issue and the M, issue. IS he with her but confused, or saying he is not with her but needs space, etc. What is the status of what he SAYS? Regardless, if the time does come, that you two can fully recommit, it will be a minimum of months, or more, imho. Sorry, the only stats I have are that the "average" affair lasts 6 months, the MLC's lasts a few years - although not all of MLC's totally affect the M, some switch careers, geographic moves, etc. The only thing I feel strongly about right now is that NOW is NOT the time...
As HS just said, you are STILL PRIMARILY focussed on HIM....let him go for now.
YOU are the one with a gaping chest wound that needs to heal...and you are stalling/preventing your own growth, health AND happiness by continuing to focus on him. If working at home keeps you apart, that is good, BUT you need also to be around others and or doing something to keep your mind from swirling in a negative vortex. You are making progress, but keep at it. This is not easy. But if you want to "Become a woman only a fool would leave", then you need to GAL and be someone who contributes to a R, not as an accessory or satellite revolving around the "other", nor as an insecurity fed controller... Many of us have been there, done that. Don't take this a criticism per se.
More of wanting to just take your face in our hands, look in your eyes and say "PLEASE GAL" and "You Will Make It With OR Without Your H"...life is short, so work on you. The idea of how you can make him want counselling, or go, or blah blah blah-- is an illusion anyhow. You never had control over him and never will. The issue is whether you will let your fears control you. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
