Can you take the kids away for the weekend and come back just in time for the custody hearing? I certainly understand your reluctance regarding the overnight visit. I wouldn't want to entrust my kids with a guy who is so unstable....
With respect to housing, where do you want to live? Is it time to consider other locations that will work better for you? You'll need to be able to have a range of reasonable work options in your new life, maybe you are too much in the sticks???
About your stuff... Is it at all possible to get your stuff out of the house and into storage with a neutral party? It may be better to avoid the additional layers of entanglement with his brother, etc...
Good luck with the custody hearing. We're all rooting for you.
