I tell him what I like, but he gets defensive and tells me I'm over-analyzing. I have hurt his feelings so often that I am at a loss as to how to talk to him without hurting his feelings. He takes things so personal. If I say anything while we are ML, it would probably kill the mood. I try to just guide him in the right direction with my hands and other body language. I am afraid I'll hurt his feelings if I do too much of that, too. But if I don't do enough, he doesn't understand what I am trying to get him to do.
I have told him many times that I would like some flirting and have been specific about what I like. I recently asked him if he would be okay with making some eye and/or physical contact when we are in the bathroom together getting ready for bed or in the morning. I also asked if he would come into the kitchen when I am cooking or doing the dishes and nuzzle my neck or something similar. He said he would do those things. He never did. I am resentful because he doesn't seem to see the importance.
I have cute nighties. When I wear them, he doesn't indicate that he notices. We have a 16-year old daughter still at home (and a 19-year-old who recently moved into an apartment), so I can't parade around the house in anything too revealing. But I do in our bedroom and bathroom.
I am the one who has been initiating most of the time over the last five years or so. I wait several weeks for him before I get tired of waiting.
When he does initiate, if I am not already facing him, I roll over and move closer to him. I usually put a leg over him and wait for him to kiss me or something. Sometimes, I take control from there on. Other times, I wait for him. Either way, as soon as I get going very much, he either enters me or goes down on me. When I have talked to him about needing more foreplay or teasing instead of "camping out down there", he says, "You had an orgasm didn't you?" I do orgasm. He doesn't understand that I need more than that. He thinks I am over-analyzing again.
We were in counseling a few years ago. In one of the sessions, I said that I was bored with our sex life. I didn't want to say that because I knew how it would hurt him. I didn't know what else to say to work on our sex life. That was when our sex life nearly stopped. Until then, he was initiating most of the time. I wasn't initiating because there was no flirting. I had talked to him many times before that about other things we should/could try but never told him I was bored. He thought our sex life was okay, but wished I would initiate more.
