Oh, I'm not suggesting that you ask her to have sex with you RIGHT NOW, you two aren't ready for that...there's too much pain and resentment in her for that right now.
What I am suggesting is that you invite her to go to the sex therapist with you (when you find one). Invite her to come with you to help you find out "WHY", make her part of the investigation and solution. I really believe that will go a long way in helping her get past her pain and anger. Being a part of someone actively trying to find out answers is reassuring in the fact that you can SEE they are truly trying...and not just saying they are. I can't tell you what a relief it was to me to find out that my own H had a form of Whore/Madonna syndrom. That infomration told me this issue truly wasn't about ME at all....it was something totally about HIM. It took a horrible set of events too to come to that discovery but...it was made nonetheless. Having that WHY answered really did help me hang in there. We still have a ways to go to get anywhere near what I once hoped for in a sex life, and we may never get there...BUT he now does other things that help keep me happy and let me know he does find me attractive that way.
Ok...so you eat out too much, that's not good. It's well known that American restaurants #1 serve far too much food in the portions they provide, and #2 the food really isn't very healthy. Many restaurants provide dishes that have more than the daily calorie content in one dish that a person needs for the entire day! That can lead to lethargy and a lack of energy.
FWIW...I wouldn't consider myself a typical "nag" either. I would try to talk to my H about what was going on, in an attempt to help him figure it out. I tried to be non-threatening and not pushy...but was still taken as nagging. Opening my mouth about it was taken as nagging.
