You sound so much better now! You're right. You never again have to be satisfied with being someone's second choice. If (or when) your wife ever wants to reconcile I'd have that as the firmest of firm boundries. I'm glad you're having a lot of quality time with your daughter. Women just eat up the idea of a really good dad so keep it up! It makes you that much more attractive. Keep the good work and GAL activities going and have fun with your daughter.
You do sound like you're doing well. Second best should never be you. You are fabulous and I agree that should be a boundary you never let get crossed.
Have fun with your baby girl and keep up the good work.
Thank you for your support and encouragement, guys. I do appreciate it.
Had a dramatic weekend. Saw W yesterday when she picked up D. She was ok, but seemed drawn and had lost some weight, I think. Wasn't looking great. I was a bit stand offish with her, mainly because I felt particularly undetached at seeing her for the first time in 3 weeks. She made more of an effort than me, I would say. She asked me how I was and I said 'fine thanks'. I didn't ask her how she was and so a minute or so later she said 'so how are you, then' This time I did ask her and she said 'ok' while looking at the floor.
After she'd gone my D said 'Mummy doesn't love me because she loves her boyfriend instead'. I was completely shocked at this and texted W to find out what she had said to D. I was angry and my text made that clear. She texted back 'don't be so rude' (my text wasn't rude, just angry -I do know that was wrong!) She was very defensive and said I should know her better than that. I replied, 'I don't recognise you at all any more'. I also said that she wasn't really being a parent to D but just wanted her to be a playmate for a couple of hours a week because it makes her feel better. I know this was bad DBing but it's something I've felt for weeks and I felt yesterday I needed to say it, today I can see it may have been a mistake.
I later texted to apologise for getting angry and she did text back to say she understood my anger and was sorry. I think D, who does know about her bf, had just put 2 and 2 together and had got it wrong, bless her. More reassurance needed there.
Then in the night I woke up to go to the toilet and smelt what I thought to be gas. 3 hours and an emergency evacuation later, complete with Fire Brigade, it looks like it was petrol fumes coming up from the drains- still very dangerous and inexplicable. All these things are sent to try us. The main thing is that me and D are fine.
Texted W who was very concerned and texted back and 'phoned (she never usually 'phones). I'd like to think she was worried about me as well as D but it doesn't really matter, I know. Certainly not the uneventful weekend I had planned and I feel I need to get myself back on track and detach again. I was doing really well...
JBF, I was thinking you've been doing really well. Sorry to hear you had a tough weekend.
My heart dropped when I read what your daughter thought. That hurts so much. I hope, as young as she is, she doesn't really believe what she said. I hurt for her, and for you.
I hope to have time to share more thoughts with you soon. You were doing great, and you still are. You are a strong man and you're bearing up well.
Best wishes.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
No evacuations last night! Have had a few nice, concerned texts from W yesterday and today, showing she was thinking about me and D after the emergency on Sunday. She's been very careful to say 'I hope you're both ok' etc. She is either genuinely worried about us both or what I said on Sunday about her becoming self absorbed and being a mess deep down hit home and she's trying to show that she isn't.
Whatever the reason, and I am trying not to analyse, it's much more pleasant when I feel she cares and is making an effort. I've thanked her every time she has, to reinforce the positive. I feel better about not feeling so angry. Probably getting a few things off my chest has done me some good.
I feel much more on track again today and not because she's making more of an effort, that's just an added bonus.
Feeling a bit stupid and a bit used and need to get it off my chest.
W and I had a few heated exchanges on Sunday via text. At one point she said she wanted to change the arrangements for seeing D this week to Thursday rather than Wednesday. I said that wasn't convenient as we have agreed on days and times.
After she moved out she spent a lot of time trying to change arrangements we had made so I've always stuck firm to what we agreed.
On Monday after our emergency with the potential gas leak, I got lots of concerned texts from W during the day and then again at night. On Tuesday she texted twice in the morning to check and once at night. I didn't get that message 'til Wednesday morning and got back to her to say we were ok. She then replied 'good. Can I see D on Thursday this week then?'. I guess I felt I wanted to be positive with her as she'd been making the effort so I said ok.
Guess what?, no contact since. I now think that she was being manipulative and was only being pleasant to get her own way. I could be wrong but that's how I feel. And if it's true, it really is pathetic. W says she wants to be friends with me but I can't se how that would work when she's reallly only interested in getting her own way. I don't trust her motives at all any more and I just don't recognise her.
I'm beginning to think that she has been pretty selfish for much of our life together but that I chose to ignore it much of the time because it didn't seem to be at my expense. Now it certainly is and it sure helps with the detaching. I really can't be bothered with even seeing her today so I'll avoid her.
The thing you can trust about their motives is that it's all about them. I don't think they know how to be "friend" esp. with us. They all seem to spout the same stuff there, but they don't talk etc. and if a stranger was in my place, I know my H would be SOOOO much more gracious and kind than he's been with me.
If you need to not see her today, don't. You have an agreement about visitation and she needs to honor it.
Decent weeekend doing nice things with D. Saw W yesterday morning when she collected D. Yet again she tried to change the arrangements for seeing D next weekend as she's 'going away'. She wanted me to change my plans to accomodate this and I said no, politely but assertively. She asked in different ways 3 times but I stuck to my guns. She was upset by this but has clearly prioritised her weekend with OM over seeing D. Her choice, her loss.
I was really pleased with how detached I was yesterday.
This morning had an email from her about something work related. She said she had to contact me about it so that people at work didn't find out we were separated!!! Is this denial at work common? Actually, it's not just at work as I know she's really played down what's happening with her own family.
She seemed zombie like again yesterday, not really with it and emotionless.
