Lin!!!!! I'm so glad you're back. I was worried that you had abandoned me...

I hear what you're saying about H coming home too soon. I'm really sad that you're having such a hard time right now with your situation. You are such a wonderful, kind, caring person, and it's frustrating to hear that you are having these continuing struggles. I hope your H will get the help it sounds like he needs. Is he looking for a job still? Maybe that will help once he's working again? I will be thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.

At this point, who knows when H will consider coming home... When that time comes, we'll see where I am at in my own journey and go from there. I appreciate your letting me know what is going on in your life so that I can learn from it. Right now, I think my H is just so confused that he doesn't know which way is even up anymore... I hope this time away from him will help him get some clarity and realize what he will be missing if he leaves for good. I know that I AM a good person and can be the wife he wants. I hope he wakes up soon and gets rid of the OW - his "bandaid..."

The other night when we had the big blowout, OW called around 10:30 that night. I heard his phone vibrating and asked him what that sound was. He said it was the computer... (whatever) Since this was during my freak show session, I decided I was angry that he was continuing to lie to me, as I was positive that it was most likely OW calling (who else would call him so late?). So we went the rounds, and I told him that I would rather him tell me the truth and be honest than to lie to me, that when he does come home that that is the only way that this is going to work. He absolutely has to learn to stop lying to me about this stuff. I'm not stupid, and he makes me feel that way when he continually lies. At any rate, he FINALLY admitted that it was her. So, my point is that maybe she is starting to chase him (with phone calls at 10:30 at night???) Don't know for sure... But, as far as I know, H did NOT go to her house that night (surprisingly, after my freak show session...) Maybe she will start with the questioning/smothering now. I often wonder (I know I shouldn't and that in the end it doesn't really matter) what she thinks/he tells her about he and I??? I cannot even imagine "dating" a married man... How could one deal with that? Especially when she knows that he works with me on a daily basis? Maybe he tells her that it's only a matter of time before he will leave me... Or maybe he tells her that he's already talked to me about this and that we're just staying married for the business... I just can't imagine how she can deal with this situation. Maybe it's just a casual fling for her and doesn't really matter anyway... Who knows. Obviously he is the biggest culprit for doing what he has done. Afterall, HE is the married one. He lies to me continually about things, so I'm sure he does the same to her. He says he doesn't want to hurt anyone, which I appreciate, but in our situation, he has lied one too many times, and there is just no way I will ever be able to trust him again if he does not learn how to be honest with me, no matter whether it hurts me or not.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent there... As I said, I know it doesn't matter what's going on with them and that it is what it is. It's just hard to comprehend I guess. Their future seemed to be doomed from the beginning, yet their relationship continues. Maybe it is just casual for both of them... Who knows...