IT'S HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!

[Heywyre]

RGM - I don't think its any one particular thing that creates what we are today. A BIG portion of who we are stems from childhood, there is no doubt about that. However, how we deal with those childhood experiences and process them in our adult life is where most of us screw up big time

For instance, if you are a boy and were physically abused by say your father when you were a kid and as you got older you never confronted your father about how it made you feel, chances are you will become the abuser

Why? Well, you are still carrying around that hurt, pain and bitterness inside. But you have no way to release it other than to confront, or to become the person who abused. As strange as that might seem, it happens ALL THE TIME. How often have we heard about kids that come from alcoholic parents and swear they will NEVER EVER be like them - just to end up either being exactly like them or marrying someone exactly like them - it happens all the time

How often do we hear about a wife beater whose kid grows up to be a wife beater - why? It's what they know. They might not like it but its familiar and its easier to fall into the trap of familiar than to make the effort to change things.

My H (thank goodness) has for the most part, stopped saying "that's just the way I am" because that's a cop-out, an excuse, whatever you want to call it. People change all the time, they do things they want to do (i.e. lose weight, go to the gym, change jobs etc.) but when it comes time to making changes that aren't all that easy - i.e. changing your behaviour - we get "that's just the way I am" and its a coward's way of making excuses. Our C has confronted H so many times when he says he can't change and told him that he knows it won't be easy but its an excuse, nothing less.

It is going to take some major effort on your W's part but if she doesn't recognize that there is a problem, she is very unlikely going to agree she needs help to change it