As always, thanks so much, 1210. I am hanging in there. Haven't talked to H still yet. Am working on giving him space and taking space for me, too. It feels like the wrong thing to do, but I know it's supposed to feel that way. I also know that he told me that when I was in Vegas was when he made the decision to give our M another shot. So, I just need to remember that and work on repeating it. I just don't feel good about the way we left things with the office move, but that's probably just my hangup, not H's.

Thanks for your assessment of my situation. I will definitely talk to my counselor about what you said.

Quote:
Your fear arises
from someone not being there to secure your fear of being left.


If I understand you correctly, you are saying that I feel/act this way because of something that happened in my past where I was abandoned; is that right? If so, I can think of absolutely nothing that fits this scenario. My parents have always been there for me, are still married, and we have a wonderful relationship. However, as long as I can remember once I started dating, I've always hated to be alone, meaning without a man in my life. While I've always enjoyed my "alone time," I never wanted to be out of a relationship. I don't know if that makes sense or not...

Or, when you said this:
Quote:
It was likely caused by his need to seperate from your grip of
control, suffocation, manipulation...the child held on tighter.

did you mean that you think that THAT is what caused this reaction in me?

At any rate, I will talk with my counselor about this. Thanks, 1210, for your input.

Again, I mention that I was NOT like this during our M - if anything, I was the exact opposite. Others even commented about that, that I was so nice to give him space to go out with the guys or take the weekend away, or give him time to work on someone else's construction, etc. I ENJOYED BEING ALONE! I was definitely NOT clingy and needy.

However, now I am. BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT TO ME! Michele says that it's only normal to grasp at something you feel slipping through your fingers. That's the way I feel. I DON'T want to lose my M or my H. And it's my need to DO something about it that keeps pushing me down the wrong path. I hate just waiting and doing nothing, even though I know that's what needs to be done. It's not that I don't care about what H needs or wants; I honestly and genuinely DO care. But I guess what he wants and what I want right now aren't exactly on the same page. So does that mean that he just gets what he wants and I make the sacrifices? I don't know.

Regarding the races, I have always gone to the races with his mom, and H always has his Dad there because his Dad is his pit boss. I know that H didn't actually ask me to go, but he did seem genuinely glad that I was there. And then he left the unprovoked note on my bed thanking me again for coming. It might not have been the right thing for me to do, but it felt right and seemed to have turned out okay. As I said, it almost feels as if when I DO spend time with him and his family that it brings him closer to me rather than pushing him the other way.

At any rate, I'm committed to continuing to work on this and me, so I hope you'll continue to be patient and keep pushing me. Thanks again for your thoughts about the neurosis. I will let you know that my counselor says next week about it.