Eddy, your post turns me into Crazy Heather. I have such problems with this, I honestly don't know where to begin.
I don't have a problem with porn per se. I don't have a problem with another woman catching my H's eye (BUT he better not let me CATCH him looking at her, lol). We're human beings, we're going to be attracted to one another, but I would request that my SO be tactful and respectful about it and I would do the same when a hottie catches my attention.
I do have a problem with my SO seeking SEXUAL GRATIFICATION elsewhere. Seeking it out, not just being caught off guard by someone you find attractive. To me, it's cheating.
I hope you don't think I'm attacking you. In my not so recent past, that's probably what this would be. However, I'm ready to refine my opinion on this matter, to get down to the bottom of why I feel the way I do, so I'm hoping that you will converse with me in more depth on this topic.
To me there's a difference between neglecting her in favor of porn, and turning to porn when she's not interested anyway.
Does it matter to you whether you were in the mood for sex when he turned to porn? Does it matter whether it was possible for the two of you to have sex when he turned to porn? Or is that irrelevant in your mind?
The other reasons why cheating is a no-no (you might catch something and pass it to your spouse, you might form an emotional connection, somebody might get knocked up) are not issues in porn.
Originally Posted By: heatherg
Maybe I feel the way I do because I'm insecure. But, while I may be insecure, I feel there's more to it than that because seeking out pleasure from other women, even if it's just pictures of them, is a betrayal IMO. It's a betrayal even on my really good days where I really like what I see in the mirror and am feeling particularly good about myself, so it's more than just insecurity.
Does finding out that he chose porn over you cause insecurity when there was none before? We may like ourselves, but we still want to be validated by others and hate to be anti-validated by others.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
