Could Use Some Input Over here

[RedHeadWife]

Ok, start w/ her -- yes, she's in the military. she has 1 little boy, not sure if she was ever married to the dad, but H told me awhile back that she was trying to get back together w/ ex and "likes black guys" (no offense to anyone). Not sure where her family is. I also found a credit card statement for $60 worth of flowers and called the florist and found out he sent them to her (this was back in January). Note said "wish I could be there. H" I confronted him about it. At first he tried to say it was probably something the office had done for one of the co-workers w/ a death in the family or something so I said I know they were for OW and he said ok, fine, we're really good friends. she reminds me of my sister (he's very close w/ his sister). She needed a pick me up -- that was it.

He actually later told me that he had "a friend that was a girl that he had been talking to about our M (for how long I don't know) and that he started "liking" her." Said he did not have sex w/ her. I am "assuming" it is this particular woman b/c I have found her ## on his cell and at the house incoming and outgoing numerous times, mostly daily and always during the day or when I'm not @ home. I did notice the last time I snooped that the calls seemed to have gone down in #, but I have not confronted him so I don't truly know what is going on. He has actually been mentioning her in passing as far as work goes & such, by name, and she even sent home a bag of hand me downs for our boys. He calls her "Sgt. So & So" and not by first name when he talks about her.

I honestly have been doing everything I can to patch things up in our M and give him everything he needs. Daily or every other day ML, talking to him, asking him questions about his interests, things going on w/ work, daily life, etc. Always being very affectionate, if he's working at his computer or whatever, I will go over and kiss the back of his neck or things along those lines. He no longer does anything around the house -- I have been doing it all -- laundry, cooking, everything (and I have taken this in the stance that when he leaves I am going to have to do everything anyway, so . . ) I have not gotten at all upset or resentful w/ him or at him for not doing anything around the house. He has worked A LOT in the yard, getting it ready for when he leaves so it won't be a lot of work for me. I have also started helping in the yard, spending time w/ him doing that. Getting movies, spending time w/ him in the evenings and weekend nights after boys go to bed. I went shooting w/ him the other day.

I have no idea what he is getting from her -- especially now that things seem to be going so well for us.

I also have no idea how she feels and/or felt about him -- whether she is still trying to get back w/ ex or started having feelings for my H or what.

Not sure of my boundaries. I do know that I would never call her or confront her, as I am not going to do anything that will just end up making him angry. Not sure what other suggestions you may have.

I guess I just can't believe that a man & woman can be "just friends" when married, especially when H had been talking to her all the time about our M problems. I wonder what he is telling her now, if anything, about our M. If he's still acting like we're separated, doesn't he feel guilty about that? Especially w/ all the effort and love I have put into putting us back together?

Thanks guys. This is just really bothering me. However, he did call me back and had legit reasons for not being able to meet me at home for lunch and asked if "everthing was going ok" in a concerned manner and said ILY, etc.

Maybe I'm allowing myself to get overly worried about nothing, but I just wonder what is going to happen if he still keeps talking to her while he's gone. I mean he would be able to sit there for hours on the phone w/ her if he wanted to.