Thanks, everyone. Yes, these definitely were bad mistakes, but hopefully we'll get through them okay.
I didn't talk to H any more yesterday at all after I apologized to him in the morning. No e-mail, no phone call, no seeing him in person. It was hard, but it was much easier since I was home. I haven't talked to him at all yet today either. It's so hard because I'm worried that he's just relieved that he's not in touch with me - rather than that he misses me. I'm sure he probably will be relieved for a while due to the huge backslide I made, but hopefully that will be replaced in time with the feelings of missing me. I just feel like I should be DOING/SAYING something; it's so hard to just sit here and do nothing.
So I decided I think at least for now not to say anything further to him about me taking some time to think. I still don't feel good about how we left things, but I did apologize yesterday morning about it. I just didn't reiterate that obviously with that psycho performance by me that I have a lot I need to sort through... I may still mention that at some point. We'll just play it by ear for now.
So I got some better sleep last night and slept in this morning a little bit, so now I'm feeling guilty regarding work. I'm going to get the rest of the boxes all unpacked today of the office stuff and get everything organized so that I can get back to getting some things done.
I'm feeling that cold, empty, lonely feeling inside again today. I want so badly for this to work out, and it's so hard to keep going through this day after day after day. My heart hurts...
