My h and I have been having a hard time finding a job for about a year and ended up living with his mom.
In Feb. my H was arrested, not for anything serious, but ended up spending 30 days in jail.
While he was in jail I found out many different ways that he had an affair with someone he worked with.
i eventually confronted the OW, she said they were just friends and that she wanted to help him. My h said nothing was was going on relationship-wise. He said they were just friends, but he didn't know how he felt about me. It hurt, but I held on and hoped he would change his mind.
A few days later he was released from jail with guidelines. He had to have a permanent address and a steady job. We had no address, so he ended up staying with the OW. He also got his job back with her.
I asked him if we were over and he said he didn't know, he needed space and time to think. I later asked him if he was filing for divorce. He said if he wanted a divorce he would have filed for one by now.
We don't talk much, but when we do I try to keep from asking questions. It doesn't work very often. I now know I am pushing him away every time I ask him questions, because he doesn't know the answer.
When I talk to him I usually say I Love You when he leaves and he says I Love You too, but I wonder if he means it.
I have recently gotten a apt. and he says he will come over and talk and we can spend time together when I get completely moved in. I just truly hope it happens. I desperatly want to make our marriage work.
Me- 27 H- 32 Married- 7 years Together- almost 11 years Seperated- 03-07
He has recently gotten upset with me, because when I talk to him I don't ask him how he is doing. I ask him questions pertaining to the boys, could this be a sign???? If he wants a divorce why won't he tell me? And if there is something going on why would he hide it from me, my boys and his own mother? Sorry about the questions, but I am very confused. If something is going on he is hiding it very well. I am very insecure nd think everyone has 2nd agendas. I hope he isn't lying to me I love him more than I ever thought possible to love someone. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
I have been talking to my H mother alot here recently and she agrees with me that there is something weird going on. He WILL NOT admit to having a affair, and she swears they are "just friends". He has never brought up divorce it is always me asking him if he wants one. He says no. Things he has said that are confusing are as follows.... Sit back and be nice I need space and time it may take a month or it may take a year This is only a stepping stone It wouldn't be fair if I moved back in In a year after you have saved money move out of state (he won't let me take our boys out of state so this won't happen without him and he knows it)
I just wish I knew if there was double meanings in what he says, and what they mean. I am going insane reading about every book I can find about this and no one has a scenario like mine. Anyone have any advice or have any idea what he might be trying to say? Please anything will do, I am going insane trying to figure everything out!!!!!!
He was arrested in early Feb. and we didn't have a permanent address, he had no where to go. Who knows they could have been having an A, but why lie about it?
if he wasn't having an A, why'd he move in with her? I call BS but hold out for other advice
First of all I have to say the standard it does not matter if he does or not. That is a minor problem here right now.
Do not snoop to find out and wuit asking him about it because all it is going to do is hurt you when you find out anyway. Keep it as an assumption.....
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I just wish I knew if there was double meanings in what he says, and what they mean.
Why? Who really cares? The way you should be looking at this is not believeing a single word that comes out of his mouth and only believeing half of what he does...Actions speak louder than words sister....
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I am going insane trying to figure everything out!!!!!!
Well no crap. So stop trying to figure everything out and live one day at a time for yourself. Dwelling on what he is saying or doing is not healthy for you anyway whats so ever....
You need to detatch. I know, I know. That is what everone says. Well it is the truth. YOU need to get to the point where everything he says or does does not affect your mood in any way whats so ever. I also mean the positive stuff as well.
Hope this helps a little bit. UA asked us to swing by and share a few words with ya....
Later, Ben
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
UA, We weren't suppose to be staying there. She lives in a place where you can only have one person there.
I am trying very hard to do TLR but it isn't easy. I haven't asked any questions in almost 2 weeks now. I see a little difference, but I guess it seems like time is moving by extremely slow. I am trying to GAL but I am the main caregiver of our children he works nights and sleeps during the day and his mom is sick. Thanks for the advice and I am sure I will be back soon with more questions.
He was arrested in early Feb. and we didn't have a permanent address, he had no where to go. Who knows they could have been having an A, but why lie about it?
If he didn't lie and told you he was having an affair, how do you think you would react to it?
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
