Thanks for the kind words. Your friend is wise to point out your options and you did well to use that info. There is no right or wrong here. How long we fight the fight is an individual choice. On the one hand our spouses may give the R another chance at any time but on the other each day we fight is a day lost to rebuild if in fact the R is dead. We just do not know. Is it "If they were so sure they would have been gone by now so there is hope" or "They are gone but they are not strong enough to pull the final trigger and this is only dragging on forever".
That has been my struggle for over a year now. In MY CASE, I feel it is time to move on. As you said, continuing doing what I have been doing when it is not working is not the best plan.
A question to ask is about pain. All the options for us will result in pain. Ranking the options to minimize pain provides a basis (one basis) for selection. Pain is good but being masochistic is is not.
Perhaps pursuing D will wake her up, perhaps not. But I feel detached enough to feel that I will move on regardless. That is a good point to be at. I have finally started to plan a future without her.
