Our last topic got filled so here we go. I missed you guys! Anyway, as I read more posts from others...I have felt worried. I am at the point where I do not want to kiss my husband. It is like living with my friend. And kissing makes me feel disgusted kind of. I don't know what caused me to be so unattracted to him. But if we could have s without kissing...i do that as much as possible. S is still not frequent...but kissing is almost nonexistant. Even when he leaves for trips...a peck is given which seems very quick and obligatory.
I am reading the 5LL and am enjoying it. I am on LL2...sorry it is taking so long. With three kids and they are under 9 yrs old. My house is chaotic when it is just me trying to do everything. Remember my H travels.
Anyway, there's some new info I don't know if I shared. SO basically I have ld for H, I miss adult interaction and feel invisible being at home....but wouldn't trade raising my kids for anything. And it is a thankless job....but priceless at the same time. And the new intimacy issue I shared about not wanting to kiss him. And to deal with my depression, I obsessively run and lift weights. (Instead of taking anti-dep)
hey crazy eddie... Well he has been on a four day trip and figured i would read the book 5LL first and then have the r talk again. We haven't had the r talk since counseling which was over a yr ago. It has just been live life and keep peace so to speak for now. ALthough some days are not so good. And inside I feel awful. Hoping that I can get that attraction back...the kissing worries me though.
You really need to get this out in the open with your husband.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
actually yes...Eddie..sometimes i do feel like his attention isn't enough anymore. I worry I might have waited too long to try and fix whatever was broken. I have a friend who seems to be struggling and I keep telling him to work on it and don't get apathetic towards it as a strategy to work on the problems. Apathy is the worst one can do.
You really need to get this out in the open with your husband.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I did read your post...but I am not sure. It seems I am more like Cadesmom...openguy had a right to be upset that the W was putting on a show for the friends. ALthough now that I type, I realize whenever we go out with other couples, we are a happy couple so to speak. I don't flaunt our sex life though like openguy's wife. I guess....I always described my emptiness as feeling dead inside. And I would cry at night in bed some times feeling like this was not a future that I had hoped. I don't know how to talk to my husband about this...how do you tell someone that you don't want to kiss him? It is hard enough that he feels undesirable. I can't even explain why to him.
I find myself attracted to other men and that worries me too. I am not one to have an affair.....so why I am feeling attraction towards other men rather than my husband?
Quote: --------------------------------------------------------- I find myself attracted to other men and that worries me too. I am not one to have an affair.....so why I am feeling attraction towards other men rather than my husband? ---------------------------------------------------------
It is normal to find other people attractive, but attraction at the expense of your spouse is not good. The real question becomes one of "what are you going to do about it?"
Let me throw something interesting at you. There is an observable phenomenon where the undesirable spouse ends up being the spouse that seeks a relationship outside the marriage. One might think that the dissatisfied spouse is always the one that wanders. In real life, the spouse that is feeling undesired is often the first out.
My question to you is this. How much time are you spending with other men outside your marriage? At the gym? Running?
Is your husband in good shape physically. Is this important to you?
What is it about your husband that causes you too distance yourself from him?
What is it about your interaction with others that causes you to distance yourself from your husband?
What makes you believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence - be honest?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Okay..good questions and I gave it some thought. As for how much time i am spending with other men at the club...I go to the gym every day and see guys that are friends..while I lift. It is just chitter chatter --nothing too serious..more or less chat about weight lifting stuff. I spend 2 hrs at the gym every morning. I run with a girlfriend usually and occasionally maybe once week with a guy. It is more that I enjoy seeing my guy friends because we share the same passion of lifting hard and my running friends as well.
My husband is in good shape--but he doesn't lift anymore and he runs now because I started running. (i like that) And now he loves it too...but he is not as obsessed if you will...he'll run maybe 2-3 times a week. I would prefer he would incorporate lifting as well as he looked really good when he lifted. And I have told him that.
I guess I don't think the grass is always greener because I just don't imagine ever putting my kids through that nightmare of divorce.
I think I am attracted to the men that have the same passion for lifting and running...like me. But the men at the club are purely friends .
A word of caution. It is unwise to discuss marital issues with the guys at the gym, theirs or yours.
What do you do that your husband likes to do?
Do you see that the endorphins that make running and lifting so desirable to you can potentially create a problem for your marriage?
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
