I've been busy but have time to reply now. About the vacations, nix any vacation that doesn't include the two of you as a parental unit. period.
You've got to work harder at being detached, but still provide opportunity for togetherness. Family activities need to be stepped up and once in awhile invite the wife out for a dinner, just off the cuff.
Get on with your life, get healthy and get that gleam back in your eye. Use your wolf eyes to see how the female population reacts, not just your wife. After all, you may be back on the market soon but whatever happens you need to find a good attraction index for yourself. New clothes, new cologne, new habits.
You need to find your "bad boy". He's in there, he's just been pushed down. Be the man, act like a man and remember to remain calm with a "ok, I'll still go" attitude when you ask her out. Begin to go out, get to find where people in your age hang out and get there with or without the wife. Create mystique. You know, get a life.
This has gone on for so long she thinks your predictable. Shake her up. Let her know you miss the sex and intimacy and that you're going to start looking for it from her but that you're not going to hold your breath. After all, youre THE MAN. Attractive, funny, a bit disrespectful in the right places.
That's the way I see it. Get your machismo back, if nothing else it will help with attracting a new mate in the future and girls HATE too much predictability.
