I had a meltdown and did everything I wasn't supposed to do.....I think being lonely is getting to me. I emailed him with somemore gossip about the OW that she was planning to go with me H when he left for his next job. weak moment on my part.
My H and I have a strange relationship about talking to each other. HE talks to me all the time. So this morning when I got up I sent him an email saying I shouldn't have told him the gossip that it didn't matter. if he believed her or not.
I then had to go a little deeper aboout how I am lonely and missed being held and having the close ness of sex. and if I couldn't satisfy him. What An idiot I am......
I told hime we are in a tough situation with his brother and the business and my husband feels he needs to be there for his brother but has no life of his own. That I have always supported him and have beeen here for him.
Guys just yell at me. I am usually stronger thatn this but sometimes I have there meltdowns. What I do? I can't believe I sent the emails what an idiot....
Penny, Believe me we all have meltdowns. It hurts so bad knowing what's going on with them and the OW sometimes our mouths get the best of us. The last meltdown I had I just apologized to him the next day and told him I said things I should have not said. It took about a week before we talked again, but distance does seem to get over bad feelings. Just start working on DBing again and don't beat yourself up too bad. Believe me my meltdown was much worse than yours. All we can do is try to control our emotions and have patience. Just try to be a friend to him.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I had a meltdown and did everything I wasn't supposed to do.....I think being lonely is getting to me.
Guys just yell at me. I am usually stronger thatn this but sometimes I have there meltdowns. What I do? I can't believe I sent the emails what an idiot....
Penny, We don't expect perfection from you. You're in a tough situation.
Meltdowns sometimes give us an opportunity to see where we need to improve regarding DB and life skills. What do you need to do better to cope with your stress and situation? Do you need to work on detachment, acceptance, transforming pain into power (PMA), GAL, or something else?
This is a process of adaptation for all of us. Making mistakes is part of the learning process.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I know sometimes I beat myself up for saying and doing things that I have worked so hard to correct. It was strange today. My H called about 10 times today. He called first thing this morning all positive and happy. Is he just trying to make me feel better or is he feeling guilty. It is hard to understand knowing he still is seeing OW. How do you guys handle it.
I finally get control of myself and athink I can detach and be stronger. but it is a fight a lot of the time...I am doing better. I had my mind made up not to call him today and then he calls. I have to talk business to him because for once in a long time he is coming to do work for me because I neededit done so I can go to youngest S's mom wkend. When he is here he acts like there is nothing wrong. How can you read someone like that.
Well I am really tired tonite. I attended a wkshop for our own business this afternoon that I had to go to. It is been a long day. So if I don't make sense I think my mind has gone blank.
If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. It is such a roller coaster ride.
Penny, I know exactly where you are coming from. It is so hard to act like OW doesn't exist, virtually I guess that's what you are supposed to do in their presence. Detaching is so hard, but I do find it easeir when I don't see him. I get okay at detaching and then I see him and he is nice and I let my guard down. I know it must be difficult having to work with him. You are strong, just hang in there. I'm here to vent to anytime you need it!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I went to my youngest sons mothers weekend. My H came home finally to help with business. He has been real nice on the phone. What I find out is my oldest S GF wastalking to H about Cheating that my oldest S didn't want to be like H. My H told her that he was not cheating on me because there is nothing. What a SLAM... I also went by where my H had his trailer when I came back from Mom's weekend and it is gone. He has moved it in the last few days. He won't answer my calls but he called and talked to me last night and the day before came home to do some work while I was gone. He didn't tell me he had moved his trailer that he is living in.
Should I move on it is a roller coaster ride and I am not handling it well. What can I do??????? Would you guys just say enough is a enough? Is the OW worth all of this if he doesn't want me?
I had enjoyable week end with youngest Son. Then when I got back I find his trailer gone I don't know if he is having it fixed and where he is staying. He left his clothes here. He has his cake and eat it to.... Its like he came home because he knew I was gone....When he said he wasn't cheating its to much for me. HELP>>>HELP... It is late I'm going to rtry and get some sleep I have to work early. Any Advice would be appreciated.
I think your H is smack bang in the middle of a full blown mid-life crisis - and that makes your task that much more difficult.
I've stayed out late and I'm in no state to post sensibly tonight (one too many glasses of wine I'm afraid) - and I'll come back tomorrow first thing - but in the meantime go over to the MLC Forum and read some of the resources at the top of the forum. I think it will really ring true for you.
I actually wonder if you should move your thread over there, because there are quite a few woman in similar circumstances as you (very long marriages, children, husband gone mad ... that sort of thing!!).
He may have said that awful stuff about not cheating, but really he said it to defend himself. He was put on the spot so he lashed out and tried to represent himself in the best light he could. I suspect he doesn't really think that in his heart - but he had to say something. Even men in mid-life crisis don't like being called a cheater. Although if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck .....
I'll be back first thing in the morning.
Hang in there Penny. You are doing well and you're going to be OK. I know it.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Penny, I know it is so hard to keep going. Try to do things for yourself and get your mind off of him. I know easier said than done.
He will not admit that he is doing wrong, in his mind he doesn't see it. So you can't read too much into that, he is trying to save his reputation. He doesn't want to look like the bad guy so he will say anything to justify his actions.
No one can tell you when it's time to move on, but you. The question to ask yourself is will I be happier divorced than I am right now. If the answer is I don't know or probably not, then hold off doing anything.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
You are right everything I have read is full blown MLC. When he didn't answer on Sunday when he knew we were coming thru really made me think how disrespectful he has become he had tried to call me earlier. I'm sure it was her day. I had made up my mind becasue I was so disappointed that he hadn't told me he had moved to Brothers other place with his trailer that I had almost thrown in the towel. He then showed up at my house at 6:00 in the morning he came to do some work which he barely helps me--- surprise surprise. He stayed the night but slept most of the night in the chair because he was sick. He apologized for being sick and not very good company. He did shipped what we needed to ship so I didn't have to take time off. He was really bummed at our oldest son for not doing the jobs my H told him to do. He diud call today and tell me he was sorry that he shouldn't take being mad at oldest S out on me except I should get a list and make oldest S do more when he comes home. He was right the jobs were easy and it would have made things easlier for me. but oldest S came back on Wednesday and did 3 of them when he came to get some things.
Today he is kinda stand offish. It is hard to to tell. I can tell when I try and ask questions to make conversation. That I'm trying to hard so to communicate. I am sure now of the MLC because your house is never was right, I had not taken care of my self and put on 35 lbs whicch he was right there because I was so depressed at him so you let your self go. I have now lost 25 lbs and even he has complimented on how well I look.
It is funny that he has called at least 4 times tonite but not super friendly but just visiting. I just can't figure it out.
Does anyone have any advice? What a roller coaster ride? soemtimes I think is it worth it. I am jhandling it alot better that I used to. I have detached but sometimes it is tough when you do so much talking over business.
Even his family is disgusted with him. They do not like the OW at all. They know what she is....but someday it will all come back to her and him too. We do have alot of issues to get thru. 25 years is a long time to live with someone you basically know everything but still miss alot of things. Hind site always comes to late.
