but how do I preserve wanting to be married to her as I get to that point?
By not walking on eggshells and living your life for yourself. Once you are happy by yourself then it it time to make your desc to stand. Until then get your life on track and just let go. I know it is easier said than done but I have actually been right where you are right now but I had a couple of added twists in mine. I feel your pain.....Once you are truely detatched then you will be able to live your life for you and your kids.
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then I can't see how I would want to be married to her.
Are you still in love with her or are you just there to preserve the family life?
I am not going to qoute you whole last par. so I will just comment on it.
You W seems to be just like mine and so many others on here. If we actually knew the answers to those questions we would all be making millions right now. My STBXW has done the exact same thing and still does to an extent. Once I filed and threatened to take the kids from her she has started to actually act like a mother again. Not my W but at least a mother and at this point in time that is all I really want for my kids. That is what makes my sitch so hard because I still believe it is just a big show while the D hearing is still going on and I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with it because I still do not believe her.
All I can say is that you need to do what is best for you and your kids. If you have not already started. Start a journal and keep track of every moment she spend with the kids and every moment you spend with the kids. Be very specific....I am not saying snoop but keep it strictly to the kids. That is what your lawyer will ask you for if it goes that far. I am not saying it will but it is always best to protect you and your intrests.
EX: If you are a supervisor or a manager you would keep track of your associates attendence correct? If they where not doing there job they would eventually get fired. However, without proper documentation there would be a chance you could get in trouble with the courts. But with the proper documentation your case is sealed and there is no questions about if you owe them anything or not.
Look at it as protecting your interests. You interests are now your kids not your W. Yes you still love her and yes you want to be with her.....But do we always get what we want?
As far as detatching. It is a hard process and you are not there yet. Hell I am not there yet and I really do not think I ever made it there. However, I detatched enough to realize that what I wanted in my life was the safety and well-being of my kids and to be happy again. Fortunately, I am almost there.
You have a lot to think about here. You need to figure out where YOU want to be in your life. If it is with your W then "STAND" if it is just happy and with your kids, well that is a different story for a different time.
8, What do YOU want?
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
