My heart goes out to you both. Each of you has been in the game much longer than I so I cannot, yet, understand fully where you are at. However, I have no doubt that your paths have been full of pain, frustration, and hopelessness. You are in my thoughts.
The other day I was speaking to a friend about my situation and the fact that I am considering what to do at this time. After a quick review, we had this exchange (paraphrased):
Him: How long were you and your W together before you got married? Me: Five years...if you count the engagement. Him: Why did you wait so long? Me: I wanted to make sure she was the right one. Him: If you waited for five years to make sure she was the right one, why are you willing to decide she's the wrong one now after just a tenth of that time? Me: Because then, she was saying she loved me...now she's saying she doesn't. Him: So? Before, you wanted to make sure what she was saying and how you were feeling were accurate...right? Me: Yes. Him: So right now she says she doesn't love you. Why not let things go a little longer so you can make sure what she's saying isn't accurate? The only difference between then and now is you!
Wow. That really hit home for me. Friends...God bless 'em. They're sometimes the only ones that know you well enough to really smack you with a 2x4.
The upshot is that, as a result of that conversation, I'm not going to pursue the D myself at this point and will continue to "stand by" (for lack of a better word). I'm not going to allow the situation with my WAW to alter my decisions about things given my employment status, but I won't take an active role in getting the D at present (allowing circumstance to dictate the outcome for now).
That having been said, with the support of our C, I have asked my WAW for a statement as to where she stands right now. I don't know what this will do, but I believe we are currently in a rut and Michele says one should change tactics if you're not making progress. I hope doing this qualifies and will perhaps jar her into some movement. In addition, the C believes she needs to start taking control and responsibility for where things are and taking action to identify what she wants and how to begin making progress toward it.
