Lou said combine the idea of working too much with working too hard and picture where I am
Cobra said No, I now think the reason you post this over and over is so you have an excuse to not take the leader role.
Reality at the time cobra is I felt I had to work that much to pay for things we wanted. Looking back, we bought too many things.
Part of the reason was we moved to a better neighborhood where we were the low person on the totem pole. I felt somewhat less than my neighbors as did BB and the Kids.
Look where it got me, a bad back, a less than desirable M, but a nice house and a fair retirement fund.
Pleasing others means you do not have to confront the possibility of anyone disliking you and not following. You don’t have to make the hard decisions. You can always be the good guy and never have to take the blame. Maybe that too Cobra.
Fran Lou I really wish you could talk to my H about the downfalls of working too hard. Fran, I post some of the things I have done as a warning to others if they want to listen. I don't just post to make excuses for why I don't have what I want. I also post to gather ideas that will work for me.
I would be glad to chat with your H. BTW, he isn't the only one discussed her on the forum that works too much.
Fran Exactly! This is what my H does. He prefers to hand over decisions to me then blame me for being "overbearing" when something does not turn out to his liking. I don't think much about blaming BB for most of my over working, but I see where I have in the past.
I see it as a way to hide himself away. He can always claim "too busy" and that way he doesn't have to engage in anything as scary as intimacy. Well Fran, that sounds like BB.
Too busy to engage in scary intimacy????? Not even close in my situation.
I worked because I wanted to have the so called standard things of life. Our neighbors husbands and wives, worked. BB was a SAHM, kind of puts an extra burden on me, doesn't it?
Neighbors at the time were earning ~$35K between the two of them. Me, maybe ~$22K with over-time. Do you see how I felt like I didn't measure up.
I also had customers for my home based business where I would repair their car at home. Turn them down or make them wait too long and they don’t come back. That is a BIG worry for someone self employed. It isn't about fear of intimacy, not by a long shot. for me it was insecurity, how to keep it all together on the outside while I did for almost everyone else.
It's only later that I see, doing for others and putting myself last and BB next to last, is where I how the plan of mild fear of failing screwed up our R and my back.
I heard and saw many "lazy people" stories and I wasn't going to be one of them.
Chrome started out in his adult life with a lot of insecurities and low self-esteem. He went to college and eventually earned a Ph.D. Me I quit school in the 10 grade, did odd jobs partially to support myself and eventually support my mother.
So working was a way out of poverty for me. Working was an education because the more types of auto repairs I did, I became a better mechanic. I did some good things some of my peers didn't do by working.
Enough about me. Ask your H why he works long hours. I am not him and he has different reasons than I do.
Just after D5 was born and S7 was still a toddler H took a stand and said he HAD to spend one night a week out of the house and I would just have to deal with it. It pissed me off at the time but I got used to it. That was when he took up scuba diving and subsequently took a few weekends off to go diving. The truth is it did him good and it didn't do me any harm either. That is good to hear Fran. I didn't get much exposure to other people till I was 6. Then we moved a lot and I went to ~28 different schools.
Don't get the single-level house. I will consider your advice. I pushed BB to go to a Dr. and physical therapy. I thought the medical approach needed to be done either way.
Lou
PS I am just trying to be helpful so don't take offence at anything I said.
