Friends, I continue to enjoy my GAL activities (salsa dancing, writing group, dance lessons, developing fiction writing skills). They allow me to engage in positive activites so I don't dwell on my situation. They are also an investment in my personal growth, and a means to connect with others.
I'm working on being more fluid and expressive with dancing. This has bee consistent feedback that I've been receiving from the teachers. Being shy and inhibited have been a problem over the years. I decided to return to a Salsa 1 beginner class. This class starts with the basic step. I learned what I have to do! The teacher says that we have to keep moving at all times, otherwise it looks like you're marching vs. dancing.
I like being part of a studio, and developing relationships with the same classmates, and teacher. The teachers get to know what your weaknesses are, and can correct them pretty quickly.
I'm starting to establish myself in my own right in the dance community. I used to hover around my W, and dance a little with others. I would consider my skill level now to be in the top 1/3 of male amateur salsa dancers in our community. I've come a long way in two years. I was so intimidated when I first started.
I've started reading a book on infidelity written by a psychologist who specializes in treating couples. He believes that most marriages can survive an A. I'm trying, as we all are, to get some perspective on this. I've reached a point in my detachment that I'm now able to read a book on this topic.
My W made an interesting comment yesterday. She came home highly frustrated about her job. She's been procrastinating about finding a new one. She came home and did a whirlwind of cleaning. The house looks great!
She said that she has one piece of her life that she feels like she has control of now (the clean house). Does that provide a window into her head or what! She must feel really out-of-control with her life!
She wants to quit smoking, get a new job, be perfect for the dance competition she agreed to enter this summer, and lose 10 pounds. She feels IMO that she doesn't have the power to make these things happen (and solve the problems in her M), so she looks for exits to make her feel better.
I was a good friend and gave her my advice on countering the patterns I know too well in her. She agreed and thanked me for the pep talk.
It's becoming very clear what her unresolved issues are, and her maladaptive ways of coping. It's going to be increasingly difficult for her to continue on without facing her problems, and learning some healthier coping skills.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
