Cobra, combine the idea of working too much with working too hard and picture where I am. Some of the reasons I post this over and over again, is me admitting I didn't have the best plan that would have lead to being a well rounded family man.
No, I now think the reason you post this over and over is so you have an excuse to not take the leader role. Your concern and compassion for the feelings of others is commendable, but I think you also do it to protect yourself. Pleasing others means you do not have to confront the possibility of anyone disliking you and not following. You don't have to make the hard decisions. You can always be the good guy and never have to take the blame.
Exactly! This is what my H does. He prefers to hand over decisions to me then blame me for being "overbearing" when something does not turn out to his liking.
Lou I really wish you could talk to my H about the downfalls of working too hard. I see it as a way to hide himself away. He can always claim "too busy" and that way he doesn't have to engage in anything as scary as intimacy. He can claim the moral high ground too, work after all is seen as a virtuous pursuit.
Cobra's points about leadership are good. Just after D5 was born and S7 was still a toddler H took a stand and said he HAD to spend one night a week out of the house and I would just have to deal with it. It pissed me off at the time but I got used to it. That was when he took up scuba diving and subsequently took a few weekends off to go diving. The truth is it did him good and it didn't do me any harm either.
Don't get the single-level house. A couple who are friends with my parents moved into a single level house a few years ago - their knees have got WORSE because they no longer have the practise of walking up and down stairs. Use it or lose it.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
