I too think that perhaps there really wasn't a true "repentance" in my sitch also. Perhaps avoidance is what has gotten me where I am too, but I am being more pro-active in addressing that. As we were counseled recently, I am going to take things to someone who can counsel me on how better to progress and perhaps an outside entity who can enforce some "repentance/remorse". Not that I'm trying to put a millstone around W neck. I feel that perhaps our last time through this, this aspect was not properly handled, therefore we're back in the same boat again.
As things are "thawing", I find that I am starting to feel more love again, which I wasn't sure I would re-find. The longer this drew out the more annoyed I found myself. When W made what looked like pro-active steps, I find the love rebuilding. Perhaps, if possible, ask H what he is doing to rebuild. If he is unsure, lovingly let him know what you are looking for, how he could do it. Let him see that it doesn't have to be a difficult path, but one that must be traveled. Maybe gentle nudges and not whacks with the baseball bat might have more of the desired response. However, you might have to "keep hitting the flippers" to give him the right amount of nudging.
Somehow I have the feeling you will figure out some way to make this R of yours move in the right direction, it's just a matter of figuring out how. Hang in there and my prayers are with you.
