Looking backward but only to look forward SIX

[sage]

I spend all kinds of time planning my posts and then I have no time to write!

This weekend (a long one for us) was two steps forward, one step back, over and over again. Some things were very positive and some were just depressingly negative. So, I guess I should focus more on the +s to be sure.

Some of the good things...h gave me some time to rest each day while he watched DD, he told me that he loves how much I do for him and DD, how sweet I am to the people I love. An interesting disclosure...he said that sometimes he feels SO BAD about how good I am (productive, etc.) and how not good he is...this is a GREAT opportunity for me to let him shoulder more of the burden...he is saying loud and clear that this is something he wants to do.

Also, he just called to tell me that he made reservations for us for Sat. night. This is a great sign.

What didn't go so well is that Sunday he was so down and depressed and withdrawn...I tried not to ASSume or read into anything but it was just so hard. Turns out that he wasn't feeling well (which has a tendency to really get him down) but it left me on hyper-alert for any signs of ANYTHING. I really, really need to work on shutting down that part of my thought processes.

I've been listening to M&V and it's just so clearly describing what is going on for us...the hyper-responsible woman who feels as though she's giving too much, doesn't know why the man isn't helping, goes through bursts of neediness (which he recoils from) and the insecure, downtrodden, man who feels unnecessary, untrusted, unimportant. I KNOW I need to refocus on those areas...NEEDING h (but not neediness), TRUSTING him, stepping back, etc. I need M&V playing in my head in an endless loop.

Sage