New To SSM

[COG]

Ali,

I'm doing fine, just been busy lately. W and I are still working through things. Several things are very obvious, 1)neither one of us wants to end the M; 2) We are both somewhat frustrated that our M is so good in terms of friendship, parenting, finances, etc. but my W just does'nt have the feelings she wants and needs for a deeper R.

We had another "talk" the other night. She was pretty into her own world all weekend, and I was the supportive H until Sunday night when I became openly honest with her. Well we each got to let out some steam, overall I think it was healthy. W is reacting differently now when I bring up the "R". I don't bring it up like I used to, ie asking her how she feels. I'm in a more active position. Calmly letting her know that I'm not happy, and our R needs to change. I don't break down, I don't get angry, needy, or wimpy, instead I'm determined to push for what's right in a healthy R.

I find her responses becoming more open, honest, and for the most part logical. She does'nt get angry and run to the next room, and shut down for 24 hours until she's ready to discuss it. We're much more able to discuss the difficult, seemingly impossible issues in a respectful, honest, and hopefully productive way.

She definately wants our M to continue, and she desperately wants to have the feelings she needs. I CAN NOT change her mind about her need for the "feelings". I've tried and tried but she fights it tooth and nail. She is just NOT a "love is an action not a feeling" personality. Right or wrong, that's who she is, who I have to deal with. It makes for a bigger challenge to say the least, but does not make it impossible.

During our discussions lately she's brought up some negatives about our current sitch, HOWEVER, she's gone on to state many more positives than negatives. That alone is a huge change from a couple of years ago.

So I'm fighting on Ali. I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to stand for a mediocre R. I'm not going to keep quiet anymore. When I'm not happy about things I'm going to let her know about it, and when I am happy, I'll let her know that too. This approach seems to be the right one, at the right time, so far.

Love,

COG