I am coming up to the " anniversary" of the bomb. Last year May 1st.... UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~
And I have been busy with "work" I work for my H out of our home, he is still out of town working,, havent seen him in weeks. \:\(
And I am doing ok.. he is still ,I feel, thinking this is all not so real and he can not believe me, so to speak. Like it is to good to be true. I am working thru that and realizing that he is with me and he needs time to accept that this is real. I too sometimes "expect" him to act or react like the old Husband and when he surprises me I sit back and just scratch my head and think silently to myself .. GOD is good.
It just happened the other day or when he lets go more or when he is vulnerable with me. he still is fighting the thought she is just acting I am quite sure.... he told me something along this just yesterday that it doesnt seem true... maybe soon he will just let go and accept that I love him and I am here to stay. funny I should be feeling this and he is?

On a side note ... I had a friend much younger than me and to make a long story short~ I stopped talking to her months ago.
I have grown to a point where if people are not helping me live in the light and hurting me that I need to let them go.. I think I have suffered long enough. And so I am no longer friends with her.
She is still dating my H friend and they are always having drama and she is a compulsive liar. I though if I cared about her enough and " loved " her enough she would never hurt me ~ how NAIVE~

She called my H several times in the middle of the nite on Sunday and then left him a message to call her she wanted to let him know that had been incarcerated and why....

while My H was in Mexico she told "his friends"
(her boyfriend has a large family that has known my H for years there are very close) that my H went away to get married, he was on his honeymmon AND he was never coming back, that My H hit her b/c she was wearing a mini skirt and he thought it inappropriate and that when he came home he brought OW with him WOAH

I am sure she was behind the " lies and rumors" I asked you all about months ago.
(and I had a severe painc attack that day)

I did tell my H about those rumors later and he was hurt so....
I am amazed that he accepts calls from her. He called her back yesterday in the morning cause she left a message for him to call her. She went on and on and talked to him for a bit I guess... and I told myself I would not call her and confront her but as the day progressed I became more angry. I confronted her in a very calm voice saying I have never hurt her or said a mean word about her and I would appreciate if she would leave me alone.

I never mentioned that she should not call my H even though that did hurt me. She hung up on me and called my H.
Wow...

I did not know what people were capable of,, so my H then calls me and he was not Mad but he said I should not have called her I should just laugh it off like he does....

???????????????????????????????
She told him yesterday in the morning that she found his friend her boyfriend with women and that was bad enough but had they not been OLD WOMEN like ALI ( ME) it may have ben ok but geez they were old like her.............. NICE HUH. I am really hurt by that at first I laughed but then I thought how hurtful of her to say that about me.. And by the way most people think I am 26 and I am actually 36 so I really truly do not look old.

She was with me when I would not get uo b/c I was so distraught and in pain last year and saw me lose so much weight and be soooooooooooo sad. And then for her to be so unkind is beyond my comprehension. When I confronted her she said she has bigger problems than to worry about what she may have said to others about me.......

I am hurt and she relly is not having a care in the world... sad really.
One positive note is that my H is very supportive of me and he called me alot last nite after she called him to say I was upset.... although I am still hurt that he doesnt know why I let her get to me. He says I should just laugh about it, she doesnt mean anything to him so why does it upset me he asks? Do any of you all have any advice for me I would love it!

It is sad for me to think that I can not trust and when I love fully and give I get hurt so much by the very people I care for so much.
My H loves ne very much and I miss him so much and its hard to be alone and she used to say she admired my sterngth and wanted to be like me someday .. so why be so disrespetcful and hurtful to me? I could never be like that to others,, I love God to much to let him or myself down like that. I am hurt but this too shall pass. Thank God for you all. I am at the library and hopefully next week I can get the internet at home again~
I miss being here it helps me so much. To me it is a blessing to be alive and to me I am living in the light and then for someone to just blindside me is sad. Really just sad and I actually pity her but why? Do I realy have to harden my heart and close off others or can I be beautiful in spirit and still survive in this world?

God has a purpose for me ~for us all really.
God bless