Just getting started peicing it back together 2

[jersting]

Thanks OF and SFA, I am glad to see that you guys are keeping an eye on my sitch. I will post more as time allows and things happen.

[jersting]

I thought things were going ok. I new that the marriage was not perfect, but I thought things were going the right direction other than the fact that she seemed a little distant.
I decided to talk to her a little about the distance she had put between us today and she told me she was not happy and she didn't want to try to keep this marriage together any longer. I tried to talk to her some more and she just ignored me and kept doing what she was doing. I am now back at work trying to understand what went wrong. I guess she just don't want this marriage any longer.

[OldFool]

OK. So back off and let things ride for a while. She may be cycling a bit or perhaps feeling pressure with your talk of distance, etc. Wait a little before you react and see how things look in a few days. If things can change that quick to the bad, they can change that quick to the good.

[jersting]

OK that sounds like good advice, I will see what happens if I stay clear of R talk and I will just be cordual around the house.

[S_O_T_S]

Hi jersting.

Long time no see. Sorry to see this. Sounds like she's still pointing the finger for her unhappiness at your marriage.
Unclear to me whether she's truly made up her mind or not. I hope you can still hang in there.

Take care,

[jersting]

Last night she hinted about me moving out... I replied with "nothing less than a court order will get me out of this house again." I had to go do some business stuff after that last night and when I got home the whole family was in bed. My D11 was in bed with my w when I came in. (she knows a little about what is happening and I think she crawled in to see if I was there before I got home.) I slept in D bed and this morning D came in and gave me a big hug. (I think she was relieved to know that I was home). After the kids went to school I went in to the bathroom after w got out of shower. She said Hi to me and I said Hi back. I took a shower and as I was leaving for work she asked "what, arn't you going to speak to me today?" I replied that I was broken hearted and I knew she didn't want to see me that way. I then asked what she had planed for today and she said she was going to see the counselor. I said to her to have a good day and she replied U2. I hugged her and left for work. I haven't talked to her since then so I am begining to wonder what tonight may bring. I am going to go home and act as if and see what happens.

[sofaraway]

Hey Jersting,
Are ya'll going to counselling together? I am wondering what ya'll have done to "work" on the marriage together since cohabitating again. I think she is just going through a cycle as well and possibly even testing you to see if you will turn tail and run if she falters again.

I believe that you have to openly communicate with her while using your DB skills at the same time. Let her know your still there, but that you can also respect her space. I think it is sometimes harder putting it all back together than it is being apart. Takes 3 times the work to maintain it. You just hang strong, have a little faith in yourself and what you have changed about you. You will be fine....


Ian

[jersting]

SFA,
We went to a joint counselor and she meet with us seperate after the first meeting. The second time we meet with the counselor together, the counselor advised us that W had to deal with her issues before we should continue joint counseling. So W has gone to individual counseling once with another person in the same office before she dropped bomb on tuesday. She went to the counselor again yesterday and she has not changed her mind the way it seems. Last night after the kids went to bed I sat quietly on the couch watching tv with her for a while and then I got up and said I was going for a walk. When I returned she was in bed. This morning she didn't say anything to me when I was getting ready to leave and I asked if she wasn't talking today. She said she wondered when I moved the bed back to the basement and I replied "monday why". Her responce was that she wondered why I moved it back. I said I thought we had made a decission to make this work when I moved it back. She asked me what my plans were and I asked what she ment. She wondered when I was going to move out. I said I'm not. She said why do you want to make this harder and I replied "harder on who?" She said the last time you moved out without any hassel. I said the last time I was trying to save our marriage, now if she wants this she can move. She said she wasn't moving and I said neither am I. I then left for work.

[jersting]

Hey Jersting,
I am wondering what ya'll have done to "work" on the marriage together since cohabitating again.

Ian

I have been trying to talk to her about her feelings and I have been asking her if she was happy and she would reply, "yes" she would not really talk about her feelings so I did not try to pry anything out of her.

[jersting]

Hey Jersting,

I believe that you have to openly communicate with her while using your DB skills at the same time.

Ian

I agree that we have to have open communication, but she has been clamed up for the last three weeks and I don't know how to handle that other than to back off.