Cadesmom34 - Thanks for answering. I really appreciate hearing a woman's viewpoint, especially one who was LD and is no longer. I believe in staying away from threats, like the D bomb, although that is where this leads. What changed in your mind when your got your "wake up call"?
What changed was I all of a sudden saw my H differently. To me, D was never an option so I had completely gotten very complacent in the M and our R. I was being the "mom" and doing what I had to do. He said to me one time that he felt I had become very angry, bitter & tired. How true. I also was totally taking him for granted.
When I actually realized that it was possible for me to lose him, I actually began seeing him differently -- I now realize how very physically attractive he is to me. (and probably is to other women as well).
Maybe it was the drama or just my survival instincts kicking in, but I was constantly horny at the beginning of this whole sitch and actually it only seemed to slow down in the last few days. But even as it has slowed down, I have continued to initiate and am still O'ing like never before too.
I'm not sure how others would react, but that's what happened w/ me and I was LD for years.
I never realized until this whole sitch that every time I turned him away when he wanted to ML, he felt rejected. The roles were actually reversed for a time and now I understand where he was coming from. I ended up having a lot of the feelings he had had for so many years during the time that he was wanting to leave and I was DB'ing and trying to get him back.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Cadesmom34, I didn't drop any bombs, because I don't believe in threatening or coercing people. But I have changed a lot over the years to where I don't need the validation of other people, so I was directly and relatively calm when the subject sort of came up recently. I think it soaked in over about a week. A lot of her problem is other hostility and insecurity, which has been channeled into something like hostility. ( I nearly was killed at work some years ago, and the temporary worry and 80% drop in income is something she has not gotten over).
And I don't hold any grudges, so when she halfway wanted to ML (probably forced herself), I forgot all about refusing.
I came back to check my post (and read some others in this topic), and my response is not totally clear again, so let me clarify it.
My huge drop in income was temporary, about 6 months before I was working full time again. The other day, she threw it in my face again, like I had just taken off and laid around the house. I didn't bother to dispute her recollection. It was like she was in denial that I had been in the hospital a week and barely able to get out of bed for another month.
My second point of clarification is the when she finally does get warmed up to ML, it goes on for at least an hour. But then she goes back to being unaffectionate, and making snide remarks, as if she feels remorse for giving in. That's why it seems to me like an almost concious effort to be LD. Does that make any sense to any of you women?
