Quoting Owen:Do you have a heavy bag or some way of releasing your anger?
Well, I work out three days a week and have Yoga one day/week. It helps. If I went and worked out every time I got upset the last couple of weeks, I'd be a candidate for the Mr. Universe contest!
Quoting KAW:Its all about keeping in balance. Tip the scale too much one way or the other is not healthy. You do have to process your pain so you can find acceptance and forgiveness, but it must not consume you. Take breathers (using a mantra or whatever works for you) in order to avoid feeling beat up or burned out. When you feel tire of the sitch, its time to allow yourself to refreshen & strengthen your PMA so you can work through it some more with less danger of becoming overwelmed by it.
Yes, I agree that it's critically important for me to do something productive when I'm feeling "tired." I really reached that yesterday and truly wondered whether I could continue with the circus that's been my life for some time. Like many others, for a year I gave and gave and gave while my W took, then I found DB and redoubled my efforts. I am feeling a little worn and need to revitalize myself.
I did want to say, KAW, because I thought you'd be interested, that my W was trying to be more optimistic with me yesterday when I wasn't feeling too encouraged. Interesting, huh? This morning she actually said, "we owe it to the kids to give it a go, and we owe it to each other." I was so happy to hear that she was focusing on our R and not just "doing the right thing because of the kids" (which has kind of been my manta on the BB lately). She also started Love Languages last night per my request. She's trying, KAW, she is. And I will regain my optimism for the both of us. I'm just afraid of getting hammered once again.
I'm scared because she's lived many years thinking that we've always been better friends than anything else. We had the "fire" for those two years when we dated in highschool, but it really has not existed since (for her). She says "we were babies" when we got M (M at 21 and 22), and were so young in highschool that we didn't really know which way was up. So, her point is that the "love" we felt in highschool was very immature, and from what I can gather "unreal." I don't know if anyone else has had a simliar sitch on the board with the highschool sweatheart, and such, in the sense that I'm talking about. But, I have to say, given what she says, and it doesn't seem like a WAW, that these are truly her feelings. How can I deny her feelings? How can I say they are not true, or that they are exaggerated because she's going through a hard time? How can I change them? I have a hard time, given what she's said, that we'll be able to overcome this. For most people, it's about rekindling the passion they had as adults that drove them to get M. For us, it seems a little different...there's more a friendly comfort there than any "fire." BUT I FEEL THE FIRE!
She also told me yesterday that she didn't feel this "love" for the OM that she thinks she should feel for someone. I asked if she thinks such a thing exists or maybe it's just not possible to have what she thinks she expects. She just said, she "knew" what she should be feeling...but has never felt that way about anyone before. Hmmm...not sure how to process that...
Quoting KAW:Jethro, please take what I write as words of caution meant only to avoid hitting anymore pitfalls than you have to.
I know, KAW, I appreciate your insights.
Abby, thanks very much for your thoughts also. I liked your analogy. I do need a break.
