Okay. I HAVE to ask. Cuz I have been an LD female.
I go to that site... and I don't see 'what could be.' I see what IS. Young, buff, hard female bodies, enjoying themselves.
Now. I KNOW, given experience, that attitude is way more erotic than attributes. But sill. I'm NOT that hard body, and unless I spend more time in the gym than I have, I won't BE that hard, sexy body.
As an LD woman... I could look at that and go... 'never mind. Ain't me, never will be me... forget it. Where's my chocolate?'
NOP... I KNOW you understand what I am saying, for you and I discussed this, back in my day... ad nauseum. I had severe body hang ups.
How does this help the LD woman?
I mean, the thing for me that helped me about this board, was the desenstizing I got from it. I had to talk about sex... constantly...and not in a sexual way... but more in a clinical way. No one here hits on anyone else. We talk about sex like we talk about the weather. That helped me more THAN ANYTHING. And quite honestyly, no offense Mrs. Nops... but NOP staying in my face, about blow jobs, and sex positions, and how I felt about my body... he wasn't hitting on me... he was just putting himself in my xH's position... but still. Jesus.
And then y'all bring up this sex site. I have enough problems on my own getting sexual, and y'all bring up these young gals who look amazing in their g-strings... etc. Not to say I am not working toward that... but I AM 40, and I have HAD babies. Barring marjor surgery... I can only do so much.
As a divorced woman... yikes. Though... did I mention that right after my car accident... my PT instructor... a very yummy 26 y/o man... asked if I would sleep with him? I thought... are you fcking nuts? Do you know what this bod looks like under these clothes?
NOP, sorry, all your lessons are still working their way in. I'm working on it, honey. Attitude. Attidtude. Attitude!!!!!!!!!!
You sound so much like me when you talk about your body. ::sigh:: I so regret that my smooth, youthful body was wasted on an uptight woman (me) who didn't appreciate it and who tried to hide it. I'd give anything to have that body now. I don't think my 40-something, post-baby body would bother me nearly as much if I had been able to truly enjoy my youthful body. (Yes, I have discussed this with my therapist.)
I'm not sure the wedges would help an LD woman. They really didn't help me. Back then they seemed a little much. I might get more out of them now, though. Maybe it's time to give them another whirl.
cac4's idea was that they might allow for more options for Karen in the last month of her pg. Also they might be good for people with arthritis or other physical problems.
Karen -- best wishes for a smooth delivery! My baby will be 4 on Wednesday!
Imagine yourself in my shoes for minute. I have seen every type of woman made, naked. When I look at a woman naked, I can appreciate her form, whether she is young or old, small, tall, whatever, but there is nothing new about it to me.
Same thing with the sex. From a mechanical point of view, I really can't think of much that I haven't done, homosexuality excepted.
No one looks like those plasticized computer models. That doesn't exist in nature, and even the best looking women and men have flaws. There is no such thing as a perfect body. Period.
So when you boil it all down, you work with what you have. If you happen to have great genes or spend a lot of time at the gym, then great. If you are pregnant, or you've passed menopause and begun to slow down a bit, that's okay too. If you've put on a few extra pounds over the years and you have some additional or enhanced curves or your belly tends to hide your belt a bit, then that is okay as well.
It is mechanics. The pillows and other props are just that, all about the mechanics of having sex.
What really matters, and you said it yourself: ------------------------------------------------------------ Attitude. Attidtude. Attitude!!!!!!!!!! ------------------------------------------------------------
So, if your high drive spouse or SO wants to make love to you, they most likely don't really care that you aren't perfect physically. What they do want to do is have their way with you, and the props make for fun games (enhanced mechanics). Trust me, the sight of your butt in the air with you lying over one of the wedge pillows won't run him off, even if you think your butt is a size or two too large. You having a smile about what you are doing instead of apprehension, sexually electrifies the air.
All this means, is that if you have a lower drive, then stop worrying about how you look naked to your high drive partner. They probably care about it far less than you do. In fact, they WANT to see you naked - in all kinds of ways. This is an opportunity for the lower drive person to really revel in an action that while requiring a step outside of their comfort zone, can be done with confidence. You get a chance to be naked without shame.
Corri, if your guy likes you more than casually, he will get a thrill out of you naked. Be proud of it. Parade yourself out there for him to see. Invite him in to talk to you while you shower, or shower with you. Make him breakfast with nothing on but an apron. He will enjoy the view. You will gain confidence in his appreciation of you. That will increase your confidence in yourself.
Same for you Mrs.cac. You just have to put yourselves "out there" a bit. Let your guard down. If your SO is anything other than a putz, you've nothing to fear.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
It's funny how we all have different perspectives on issues like body image. The funny thing in my case is that even though I was in a relationship in which I was repeatedly told that I wasn't attractive, I would say that my sexual body image is better now at 42 with all the accompanying minor sags, ripples, varicosities,wrinkles, gray hairs etc. etc etc.LOL than when I was 16 and really had an objectively excellent body. There is always something you can obsess or fret about in terms of your appearance. For instance, when I was 16 I hated the fact that my nipples weren't always hard. I wouldn't wear tube tops because sometimes one would be hard and the other wouldn't and I thought I looked all lopsided (of course being me I didn't worry about the fact that my nipples were visible-LOL). When I went out to the Iggy show the other night all dolled up monkey-style, the belt I was wearing was a little large so my pants were riding a wee bit low so when I stopped in the bathroom I had to take a minute to check out my rear view. There were two young attractive female concert-goers by the mirror (I thought about the bar experience you shared Corri) but I went right ahead and checked out my 42 year old *ss in front of them. They just grinned at me. Probably for the same reason I was grinning at the women in their 60s that I saw dressed up all monkey.
So back in the bad old days of my SSM,a Saturday night would roll round and I hadn't been laid in two weeks. I had two choices . I could either tell myself that I should believe every defensively cruel LD thing my H said to me and look at myself in the mirror and think something like "You are too fat too f*ck" and forget about sex and go find a book and some cookies or I could look at myself in the mirror and think "Not perfect but mine and a wonderful gift from the goddess that I shouldn't neglect. A form that functions as more than a form. I have but a brief sojourn on this planet and it's clear in which direction lies regret." and go out one more time "fighting" trying to get me a little bit of LDH action to get me by.
My HD sister who has had many partners told me that men have remarked that she is way more free, comfortable with her body than most women. I think that I am that way too. What NOP is saying is so true. From a relatively early age I read a lot of literature that described sexual activities from a male POV so it's like I always "knew" that men are rarely having thoughts like "Wow, what chubby thighs!" when they're having sex with you (though they might have the thought when they're considering having sex with you (sigh)). Far,far more likely that a man will be turned off by signs of poor body image than the actual sight of what ever it is you are having a poor body image about.-LOL. To be blunt (like I'm ever not) if you're about to have sex with a man and you're thinking "I hope he won't be repulsed by my chubby thighs" instead of dimming the lights to hide your thighs, turn up the lights and spread them a bit further and most guys will be like "Thighs? Did she have thighs? I can't quite remember.".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Has anyone seen the new Dove Tanning cream commercial? It shows a group of women in their underwear. Real women...not the Victoria's Secret models. They have bellies, curves, and they are beautiful. I even got Ms.Hdog to agree with me that Dove's advertising campaign is a good one, showing the type of woman who hardly ever appears in any type of ad, other than maybe for "Lane Bryant."
For the sake of my daughters who have to grow up in this ad-washed society, I wish more companies would leave the stick figures behind and utilize the women that most girls grow up to become.
Also, there is a rule in art that often holds true in terms of sexual attraction. Sometimes you can make a physical feature that is out of proportion or conventionally unattractive more attractive or "beautiful" by emphasizing it rather than attempting to minimize it. For instance, a woman who has relatively a lot of "junk in her trunk" might be tempted to wear plain slimming black pants but she might actually look more sexy if she wore tight white jeans with rhinestone detail on the back pockets. Sexual attraction is an odd mechanism.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
See, what I wrote last night has very little to do with how cac4 views my body. He has ALWAYS told me I'm beautiful, that my body is beautiful, that he loves all my parts even when I don't, etc. etc. I KNOW this. Even at my most unappealing (as I saw it) when I was pg (I never felt more unattractive than during that time), he thought I was beautiful. But, when *I* don't feel beautiful, my sex drive can become virtually non-existant. Nothing he says makes much of a difference.
I'm grieving a loss--the loss of being a healthy, young, sexual woman. I was robbed of that because of my parents' stupid, thoughtless behavior. Part of my emergence from my LD fog was this realization that I missed out on SO MUCH. Yes, I know, I'm only 44 and not all washed up. But, knowing that doesn't give me back the lost years. I have to go through the entire grieving process, and I've only just started.
Maybe by being upset with my present body, I'm still blaming myself for my youthful fears of my womanly body. I suppose that's all part of the trauma/betrayal bond. I know that if I tried to confront my parents (I have before), they'd put it back on me--I was too sensitive, they didn't mean anything by it, it was so LONG ago, why can't I just get over it, blah, blah, blah. And because it was emotional abuse, not physical, many people don't view it as being that bad. Sticks and stones crap. So I guess I still struggle with who is actually responsible for my loss. Is it my parents for their treatment of me, or is it me for my perception of their words?
Here's another thing that I'm sure is playing a role in my poor self-image. My mother CONSTANTLY criticized her physical self. I don't think she has a single body part that she DOES like. When I lived with her I got so accustomed to it that I didn't think anything of it. But now, when I see her, I'm struck by how negative she is.
I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I had gotten involved with someone who was critical of my body. I doubt I would be where I am today. If I were in Mojo's position, my body image and issues with my sexuality would be a HUGE roadblock for sure. But, in the safety of my M, I CAN step out of my comfort zone (and I think I'm starting to do this) and move forward.
This reminded me of a segment I saw on GMA with Paulina Porizkova. She's making the rounds promoting a book. She commented that she always planned to write when she was older and "fat and ugly." And of course, she is neither fat nor ugly.
She also mentioned that when she was modeling in the early 80s, the average size model was 6; now models are typically size 0. She commented that if they put a picture of her in a bikini (from the 80s) next to a picture of Gisele in a bikini, Paulina would look "fat." ::sigh::
I must admit that, although I like some of the Dove ads, some of them bother me. You know, if I want to see an average looking woman, I can look in the mirror. I just expect to see perfection in print. But I'm someone who is already warped by society and the ad media. Those ads don't make me feel better about my body or myself. But for young girls, the Dove ads do send a healthy message, and that is really important.
For this reason, and for many others, I am very grateful that I have a son. There's less of a chance that he'll be affected by my negative views simply because he's not a girl. I'll never see him as a miniature me.
For this reason, and for many others, I am very grateful that I have a son. There's less of a chance that he'll be affected by my negative views simply because he's not a girl. I'll never see him as a miniature me.
That's sad about your FOO issues. I know what you mean about worrying for a daughter about body image stuff. My daughter is really tall and that's an issue for her (However, she doesn't look anything like me so that kind of makes it easier to not transfer any issues.) If my 2bx had ever said one negative thing to her about her physical being I would have kicked him to the side of the road so fast laws of physics would have been broken.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
She commented that if they put a picture of her in a bikini (from the 80s) next to a picture of Gisele in a bikini, Paulina would look "fat." ::sigh::