Hey Jim, Owen, Bob, RJJ. Thanks for comin' by my chipper thread. I REALLY appreciate all of your words.

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She loves you, my friend. That's what matters most. You will get through this together, maybe slowly, maybe painfully at times, but you will.
RJJ, you are such a kind person. You know, could you tell this to my W because she still doesn't believe it? Just wait and see...

So, today I thought it was time to review some information on infidelity so I can begin to work through it. To date, I've kind of avoided it because I knew it would be painful; however, I decided that the sooner I read up the better I'd be. Well, I now question this decision...

So I read...and read...and read (work is kind of slow lately). It was around 1:00 that I began to feel anxious. Too anxious. So, I e-mailed my W telling her I was coming home (she had just sent me one so I knew she'd get it).

Well, we had another lovely R talk. Now, on a side note KAW, I know what you're thinking, but I want you to know that my W felt better after having today's marathon talk...but not me.

After reading all of this junk I decided that I really wanted to know more of the A details. What I read suggested that over time you will learn this and that, and to heal, you and your S has to openly discuss things...almost a way of regaining intimacy. Well, because I thought my W had been vague on a few things, I decided to question her even further. Let's see...some interesting things that I learned.

1) That she ended the A right before I began to DB!?!? I guess this shows something about her character.
2) That the OM was 47! What the hell is that when she could have a nice spry 33 year old?
3) That the first time they talked about "getting together" they were doing a slow dance on the dancefloor. Nice...where in the world was my sister when this was going on (my W and sister always went together and my W says my sister doesn't know...although she wonders if she wonders)?
4) My W still very much feels like we have a good friendship, has felt this way for a long time, and does not have passionate thoughts for me. Well, let me put it this way, I asked if she was attracted to me and her response was, "We have good sex." Great, what's that? She did say, however, that the changes I'm making make me more attractive.
5) That she vacillates on whether we can work things out, but is very willing to give it some true effort this time around...because we have a lot at stake. Lovely, it would have been nice if she clued in before having the A.
6) She does not know that I will ever get the kind of R from her that I'd like.
7) She occasionally misses the OM.
8) Attraction to the OM was pretty much lust. Whatever...

So, after this conversation I feel much worse, but she feels much better. She had to leave and go workout. She called me on the phone and told me that she thought our talk was productive. Ugh!

I hate this sh!t. Gotta go even though I have more to say. My W just came home from the gym and is feeling passing-outish. Anxiety?

jethro